Obedience vs. Sacrifice

Recently God has brought back to me a prayer that I prayed. I prayed this prayer with all of my heart probably about 8 years ago.

"Dear God, if you could just tell me if Shawn & I will have a baby one day I will be okay with waiting until your timing is right. If this is a desire in my heart that I need to NOT have I want to release it now to You. But if You know that we are going to have a child then show me so I can wait patiently and protect that desire You have placed in my heart."

A while after I prayed that (I can't remember the exact timing of it but it was awhile after) I had a dream. A dream that was so real and so detailed it made my heartache when I awoke.

In this dream I was in a room it was the middle of the night holding this tiny little baby boy. He was just skin and bones and I was trying my hardest to get him to eat. I was praying over him asking God to strengthen him, to nourish, him to protect him. I was praying for knowledge on knowing how to care for this tiny baby. I wasn't even sure WHO he was. I remember being so nervous not knowing what to do.

I looked up and saw this man standing in the door way "Don't be afraid. I was sent here by God to let you know it is all going to be ok."

I said looking down at this little baby boy and asked the man, "Who is this?"

He said, "This is your son that you have prayed for. He will be a world changer one day...in GOD's time not yours."

I looked back down at the baby and said, "I don't even know how to care for him. I'm not even sure if I know his name."

He said, "God will show you how to care for him. His name is Zechariah David."

I looked back up at where the man was standing and he was gone. As I sat there and rocked him and prayed over him I felt peace instead of anxiousness.

The next morning when I woke up and was thinking about this dream. I was thankful for it but wondered if it was just my mind trying to comfort my soul some how. I didn't tell anyone for a while then when I did my friend Sarah told me to look up what those names meant.

Zechariah: The Lord remembers
David: The Beloved one

For years after that dream I prayed and prayed for us to conceive...which I still do...but God has revealed to me that maybe just maybe this "world changer" may come through adoption. I don't pretend to know what God has planned. I am thankful for His promises and I pray that I will obey His every word instead of displaying my sacrifices.

Why He during this season continues to remind me of this dream that happened 7-8 years ago I'm not quite sure but I felt as though I needed to type it out so I will never forget.

I can't help but wonder...

The past 12 days have been a complete roller coaster. I want to document as much as I can because I know this isn't going to last forever. I remember the anticipation of Shawn & I as we were expecting them at 5 but they didn't show till 6. The dogs were outside with their bones. The house was vacuumed. The beds were made. Dinner was on the stove. We were ready...as we could be.

It made me happy to see Shawn sitting on the front steps as they pulled in the drive. I was scared to walk out the door. We sat down and wrote out questions to ask. Didn't realize that nothing else was going to mattered that evening.

Then the first few minutes after they walked in...showing them around...hearing S(4) answer "I Know!" to everything that I showed her. Watching G(just turned 8 a few days before) flip and flop all over his bed, EXCITED (for the moment) to have his own bed. Then there was little L(1) holding so tightly to the case workers shirt but asking for a banana.

They were so hungry, excited, scared, dirty, sick, ready, misunderstood, sad, covered, lonely, loving, talkitive.

The first night they slept...I slept...Shawn always sleeps...

My # 1 surprise that first night...not EVERY child likes spaghetti

Mile Marker of today...We brushed teeth this morning with out tears.

Fact about parenthood I'm realizing...I need a bigger car & purse...

One of my favorite things...Listening to them laugh!

My prayer for today...Father help each pecious child to learn to trust YOU early on & to remain faithfully commited to Your ways throughout their lives.

I can't help but wonder why God chose us to be blessed by these children. I can't help but wonder how long we will be in their lives.

I know it's only day 12...but I will be sad if/when they leave.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Jeremiah 29:11

Thankful for that promise :)

Grace & Love

I was just speaking of God's grace this morning and how amazing it is to be loved so unconditionally.

God has shown me a great deal throughout that past couple days of how difficult it is for us to extend that kind of love and grace to each other. Although that is exactly what we are called to do. I as a wife, daughter, sister, friend, am called to be a face to God's love and grace to those whom He places in my path.

I don't do it effectively enough at times but am constantly striving to understand HIS love and grace so I can be more like Him!

*before playing this video please mute the side bar music*


Watch the video again...and ask God to show you...

What sign would I be holding?

"Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord." Hebrews 1:2