I met with 2 Case Workers on Friday. Ours and Little Mans. Both were good informative meetings but I can't wait to meet our ADOPTION Case Worker to actually call. I've been that he is very proficient and he has the tendency to get adoptions done in as little as 3-6 months. It seems like a long time on one hand but when I think about the face that we have waited 16 years 3-6 months doesn't seem too bad.
Our 45 day case review will be the end of May. Now that the state has PC this is our actual 1st step on the adoption process. We can officially start calling him by the name we are giving him. It's going to be a crazy summer...it usually is...I've just never done this crazy schedule with a toddler. He's almost 15 months & he is allllllllll boy!
As we get ready to crossover to adoptive parents I am getting a done of questions from many different people. My friend emailed me this the other day and I saw it again on Pinterest. I thought it was so funny so I thought I'd share.
Boob Job Rule
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Overwhelmed
It's Monday morning and I am still overwhelmed by this past week. It was Easter week...Holy week...Company coming in week...PC Hearing week.
Thinking back to Easter growing up it was a big deal...Still is in my mind. Being raised Lutheran we went to church every Wednesday during Lent then Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Sunrise service on Easter out to breakfast and then BACK to church for the 11AM service. Being the youngest of four kids & going to a church that did not have "Kids Classes" I did not enjoy sitting still that long but I did enjoy the family time that week created for me. I always loved when we were all together.
One of my favorite services of all year was the Good Friday service. At the end of the sermon when the Pastor was done teaching on what happened that night so many years ago the lights would get dimmer and dimmer until it was completely dark. After reading from the Gospels he would end with the room completely dark and say "It IS finished!" Slam the big giant Bible was reading from closed. It was crazy silent. And everyone would leave in the stillness and the darkness. No one spoke. We just all got in our cars and left.
This year was a year I hope I never forget. This year right in the middle of the week Wednesday was our permanent custody hearing. I barely slept Monday or Tuesday night between a sick baby and praying I didn't get much rest. Birth-mom contacted the paternal grandparents a few weeks back. She asked if she could see the 2 yr old and said she was going to do whatever it took to get the baby back. We've been fasting and praying for little man's safety. We have been praying for God's will to be done & to protect little man from any harm. She even had the nerve to show up at the paternal grandparents house the day before court. Saying many things that weren't true about what she had done and was going to do through the state.
My heart hurts for her yet I'm angry at her. I see this child that someone must have mistreated and never gave a chance to. So now she is caught in a vicious cycle...but angry for being an adult and NOT stopping it. Maybe no one has ever told her she could or about her Savior
Wednesday @ 10 was our date. PC hearing means that all rights of parents that are involved can be terminated. The judge could rule that day, he could request an actual trial or he could take weeks to review the case and then make a decision. We were there by 9:40 AM and set with the GAL and talked small talk until it was time for him to go back. He said not to be surprised he believed he had seem the birth mom there but he had only met her once & wasn't for sure.
At 10:02 they called us back to the court room. Went back out and called any other parties pertaining to *the baby's name* to come forward.
No one came. No grandmother...No Birth-mother...No Birth-father...No one...
They came back in closed the door and started.
Sitting next to the GAL's boss I was trying to sit still & act professional . When they closed the door she said softly. "Oh well that's not good." I answered back softly thinking maybe she was talking to me..."what's not good? Is everything ok?" She didn't respond.
About 15 mins in the GAL's boss leans over to me and said "Take a breath. You have already won."
Right then and there I was overwhelmed with emotion. Seriously almost became a sobbing mess right there. Shawn grabbed my hand. I was reminded where I was and it probably wouldn't be a good thing for me to react that way in where I was.
After the Caseworker left the stand they talk to the other attorney & the GAL. Then the judge said I will make my decision.
We found out this Friday on Good Friday that It Is Finished...
The parental right have been severed. He was declared abandoned. Permanent Custody has been granted to the state for our little man.
We can now move forward with declaring him our son.
I am thankful that while he was "declared" he will never have know the feeling of being abandoned.
Overwhelmed by so many things this past week. I have been overwhelmed with excitement, tears, love, joy, sadness (for the birth family).
This being Easter weekend I just kept thinking how overwhelmed I was by God's love for me...for Shawn...for our little man. That while we were yet sinners HE died for me...went to hell for me...and sits at my Father's right waiting for me.
I heard this song this morning...it just seems to fit.
Overwhelmed
Thinking back to Easter growing up it was a big deal...Still is in my mind. Being raised Lutheran we went to church every Wednesday during Lent then Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Sunrise service on Easter out to breakfast and then BACK to church for the 11AM service. Being the youngest of four kids & going to a church that did not have "Kids Classes" I did not enjoy sitting still that long but I did enjoy the family time that week created for me. I always loved when we were all together.
One of my favorite services of all year was the Good Friday service. At the end of the sermon when the Pastor was done teaching on what happened that night so many years ago the lights would get dimmer and dimmer until it was completely dark. After reading from the Gospels he would end with the room completely dark and say "It IS finished!" Slam the big giant Bible was reading from closed. It was crazy silent. And everyone would leave in the stillness and the darkness. No one spoke. We just all got in our cars and left.
This year was a year I hope I never forget. This year right in the middle of the week Wednesday was our permanent custody hearing. I barely slept Monday or Tuesday night between a sick baby and praying I didn't get much rest. Birth-mom contacted the paternal grandparents a few weeks back. She asked if she could see the 2 yr old and said she was going to do whatever it took to get the baby back. We've been fasting and praying for little man's safety. We have been praying for God's will to be done & to protect little man from any harm. She even had the nerve to show up at the paternal grandparents house the day before court. Saying many things that weren't true about what she had done and was going to do through the state.
My heart hurts for her yet I'm angry at her. I see this child that someone must have mistreated and never gave a chance to. So now she is caught in a vicious cycle...but angry for being an adult and NOT stopping it. Maybe no one has ever told her she could or about her Savior
Wednesday @ 10 was our date. PC hearing means that all rights of parents that are involved can be terminated. The judge could rule that day, he could request an actual trial or he could take weeks to review the case and then make a decision. We were there by 9:40 AM and set with the GAL and talked small talk until it was time for him to go back. He said not to be surprised he believed he had seem the birth mom there but he had only met her once & wasn't for sure.
At 10:02 they called us back to the court room. Went back out and called any other parties pertaining to *the baby's name* to come forward.
No one came. No grandmother...No Birth-mother...No Birth-father...No one...
They came back in closed the door and started.
Sitting next to the GAL's boss I was trying to sit still & act professional . When they closed the door she said softly. "Oh well that's not good." I answered back softly thinking maybe she was talking to me..."what's not good? Is everything ok?" She didn't respond.
About 15 mins in the GAL's boss leans over to me and said "Take a breath. You have already won."
Right then and there I was overwhelmed with emotion. Seriously almost became a sobbing mess right there. Shawn grabbed my hand. I was reminded where I was and it probably wouldn't be a good thing for me to react that way in where I was.
After the Caseworker left the stand they talk to the other attorney & the GAL. Then the judge said I will make my decision.
We found out this Friday on Good Friday that It Is Finished...
The parental right have been severed. He was declared abandoned. Permanent Custody has been granted to the state for our little man.
We can now move forward with declaring him our son.
I am thankful that while he was "declared" he will never have know the feeling of being abandoned.
Overwhelmed by so many things this past week. I have been overwhelmed with excitement, tears, love, joy, sadness (for the birth family).
This being Easter weekend I just kept thinking how overwhelmed I was by God's love for me...for Shawn...for our little man. That while we were yet sinners HE died for me...went to hell for me...and sits at my Father's right waiting for me.
I heard this song this morning...it just seems to fit.
Overwhelmed
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
New things!
Just wanted to jot somethings down so I don't forget how much I love him and all the cute things he does.
-He loves to scare people...He can't say BOO so he says AHHH! And laughs HYSTERICALLY when you jump.
- He knows what a Duck and a Motorcycle says. He says "Bye dogs" and "good girls" when talking about the dogs. LOVES LOVES LOVES Harley! He will lay on her just to chill and loves to play with her ears.
- He is letting go when he pulls up & will even hold a cup and drink from it with out holding on but has NOT taken his first steps. I pray Shawn & I are both there when he does.
-He loves to cuddle at night and in the am.
We had his 1 yr old pictures and drs appointment last week. Can't wait to post his cuteness in picture form on here. He weighs 22 pounds and is 32 inches long. As the dr said he is perfect in every way!
I love him!
I can't wait for the day to call him my son!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Thankful
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
There is ALWAYS something to rejoice in, pray for & give thanks for!
Today...March 4th was suppose to be our PC hearing...We were suppose to be celebrating the next step in adopting our son...BUT birth mom has a new "confined" location as of this weekend. Knowing where she is by law they must serve her papers. Birth dad is pitching a fit the his parents wanting them to take him. They say they can't...I've lived with this little man for a year...As much as I love him IT IS HARD WORK! For some people who are in their mid-50's to 70's with health concerns being up all hours of the night loving a screaming teething child on less than 2 hrs of sleep is hard work! I get so stuck on knowing how to pray. I don't want to pray selfishly.
I honestly do want what is best for this little man. My heart aches for him! I know that I know that I know this is not going to be an easy road...either way...but I know that I know that I know God has put him in our lives for a reason. I know he is a world changer. I know that God has a plan for him! It is one of prosperity & hope! Today I have to focus on 3 things...
Rejoice always! Father I rejoice because you are a Father that loves me unconditionally! You love this little man of God MORE than I do! I know you have his best interest at heart! I with out a doubt KNOW you have dreams for him that will be wild & crazy! That's why you have chosen US to be part of his world!
Pray continually! Father you alone know the out come of this chapter of our lives. You are our protector, YOU are our provider! For you created this little man of God in the inner most beings of his mothers womb. I praise you for he is fearfully and wonderfully made! I know that full well! I ask that you continue to protect his destiny and give Shawn & I wisdom on how to raise him and how to handle each and every step of this process. Provide us with strength, peace and continued guidance.
Give THANKS! I thank you that the PC hearing was at 9AM and I didn't have to dwell on this all day. I thank you Father that in a few hours I will leave my job and will pick up our soon to be son, go home to a loving husband and enjoy my evening in a safe and warm home. I thank you Father that your favor sounds us like a shield! I thank you that your ways are better than my ways. I give you all the glory all the honer all the praise to YOU and you alone!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
A year ago...
A year ago today I was struggling to breath knowing that my 3 beauties were going to be going back to where they were taken from. How to explain to a 3 year old that he wasn't going to see mommy & daddy everyday. How do you teach a 9 year old how already struggles GREATLY to practice his spelling and reading by himself. How do you teach a 5 year old to shower by herself and get all the shampoo out. Reminding them all to brush their teeth & hair but most importantly to pray every day whenever they needed anything.
They went back Friday February 9th...We mourned, we cried deeply, we prayed & asked God to reassure us that He really did know what He was doing, we laughed about the memories we made. We had no idea what God had planned.
Sixteen days later our world went from such extreme mourning to the highest high I have known. We met our little man that would change our world. Today we celebrate his 11 month birthday! I didn't know if we'd see this day. I can't wait to plan his adoption Gottcha Day party!
11 Month Statistics
20.12 pounds
24" long
Still sleeps through the night...most nights.
Eats 6oz bottles every 5 hrs & LOVES veggies! Little man you will eat almost anything we offer you. You love fruits too!
LOVES to cuddle in the morning after your bottle
LOVES to crawl everywhere and tries to get in to every cabinet.
LOVES to play & wrestle with the dogs
Does not like to sit still much
Is starting to repeat words. Even in your own way repeated I love you on a road trip. Daddy said "That crap is so cool!!! How'd you teach him that?!" :)
STILL LOVE LOVE LOVES Bath time
Still smiles and laughs when I sing "HIS" song to him (You are my little man you are so very grand! I love you all the way from your nose to your toes.)
Has met his entire forever family!
Loves to play fetch with anything you can throw!
Loves to play with friends.
Laughs OUT LOUD when you burp or toot . You are such a boy!
Has been off your acid reflux medicine for a week now :)
My little man you are the fulfillment of God's promises to your daddy & I. March 4th is a big day for us. Praying that you will be our son by the end of April! We love you! And thank God daily for every breath you take!
They went back Friday February 9th...We mourned, we cried deeply, we prayed & asked God to reassure us that He really did know what He was doing, we laughed about the memories we made. We had no idea what God had planned.
Sixteen days later our world went from such extreme mourning to the highest high I have known. We met our little man that would change our world. Today we celebrate his 11 month birthday! I didn't know if we'd see this day. I can't wait to plan his adoption Gottcha Day party!
11 Month Statistics
20.12 pounds
24" long
Still sleeps through the night...most nights.
Eats 6oz bottles every 5 hrs & LOVES veggies! Little man you will eat almost anything we offer you. You love fruits too!
LOVES to cuddle in the morning after your bottle
LOVES to crawl everywhere and tries to get in to every cabinet.
LOVES to play & wrestle with the dogs
Does not like to sit still much
Is starting to repeat words. Even in your own way repeated I love you on a road trip. Daddy said "That crap is so cool!!! How'd you teach him that?!" :)
STILL LOVE LOVE LOVES Bath time
Still smiles and laughs when I sing "HIS" song to him (You are my little man you are so very grand! I love you all the way from your nose to your toes.)
Has met his entire forever family!
Loves to play fetch with anything you can throw!
Loves to play with friends.
Laughs OUT LOUD when you burp or toot . You are such a boy!
Has been off your acid reflux medicine for a week now :)
My little man you are the fulfillment of God's promises to your daddy & I. March 4th is a big day for us. Praying that you will be our son by the end of April! We love you! And thank God daily for every breath you take!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I'm in love
Call me crazy but There's part of that misses the midnight feedings. I miss his little tininess. I miss how his little mouth made a perfect O when he coooooed.
As I hold him in my arms this morning feeding him his first bottle my heart is overwhelmed with love for our boy. I love how he plays with my hair or my nose while he eats. I love how he sits up and flaps his arms and legs when I pick you up from daycare. I love how he snuggles in to Shawn & I when we pick him up. I love how he tries all the crazy concoction. I love how he says "mama mama" and "dada dada"
I love how God continually reveals his love for me through this little world changer laying in my arms.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Cheeks :)
One of my favorite things about our early morning kiss fests. Is when I'm loving on this almost 7 month old little man, kissing on his chunky monkey cheeks, when I stop he presses his check into my lips as to say don't stop mommy. I continue to kiss on him and he smile and coos.
Can not express my love for him!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
How can this be...
3 months, 90 days, 2,160 hours, 129,600 minutes ago our world changed...and we didn't even know it.
In the beginning I felt like a hypocrite when people would stop me and tell me how cute "my" baby was and ask me about his stats. He was so tiny...My favorite was when people would tell me how good I looked for having a baby that young. It MUST not be your first. Sometimes I would smile and thank them and move on about my day other times I would shock them and tell them that we were foster parents. Inevitably their response would be:
"I don't know how your do it!"
"What are you going to do when you have to give him back?"
"Aren't you attached to him?"
" How are you going to handle it if you don't keep him?"
To which I would reply
"I don't know how either. Only with God's grace"
"Probably Cry."
"INCREDIBLY! Wouldn't you be? Look at the face!"
"I'm not sure but I know that God is in control."
I thought a baby would be easier...it.is.not. While he doesn't say "I love you mommy. Don't leave me mommy. You my favorite mama." The way his smile lights up for me like it does for NO ONE else says it all. The way he snuggles in to me after his last bottle and falls asleep. The peaceful gaze that he gives when I feed him. The way he "talks" to me at bath time and laughs at me when I "buzz" my lips together. Don't get me wrong he giggles and looks and smiles and snuggles with others...it's just a little different with the mama.
We have a long way to go on this road. The journey has just begun...but for today I am able to enjoy the fact that he celebrates his 3 month birthday with us. No cake no party hats or streamers just a song and a lot of hugs and kisses.
Happy Birthday Sweet Love! You have no idea how you've changed my world...
3 Month Statistics
14.1 pounds
23" long
Sleeps through the night...most nights.
Eats 6oz bottles every 4-5 hrs & we just 1 bowl of cereal at night
Is beginning to put himself to sleep
LOVES to sit up
LOVES to watch the dogs
LOVES his play mat that sings to him
LOVES to be talk to
LOVE LOVE LOVES Bath time (next to eating it is his FAVORITE time of day)
Seems to enjoy his first few bowls of cereal
Smiles when I sing "HIS" song t him
Has met his Grandma C, Mimi & Papa
Likes to sit up to watch TV while he burps
Found his fists & LOVES to eat them
Doesn't like to burp but doesn't like the side effects of an upset belly either.
Has yucky acid reflux
"but as for me, I watch in HOPE for the Lord I wait for God my Savior, my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
Please be in agreement with us that God will move quickly in this case & praying for HIS will to be accomplished. I am at peace knowing He already knows the ending of the story. But I have to remember sometimes moment by moment...there is a God and it is NOT me!
In the beginning I felt like a hypocrite when people would stop me and tell me how cute "my" baby was and ask me about his stats. He was so tiny...My favorite was when people would tell me how good I looked for having a baby that young. It MUST not be your first. Sometimes I would smile and thank them and move on about my day other times I would shock them and tell them that we were foster parents. Inevitably their response would be:
"I don't know how your do it!"
"What are you going to do when you have to give him back?"
"Aren't you attached to him?"
" How are you going to handle it if you don't keep him?"
To which I would reply
"I don't know how either. Only with God's grace"
"Probably Cry."
"INCREDIBLY! Wouldn't you be? Look at the face!"
"I'm not sure but I know that God is in control."
I thought a baby would be easier...it.is.not. While he doesn't say "I love you mommy. Don't leave me mommy. You my favorite mama." The way his smile lights up for me like it does for NO ONE else says it all. The way he snuggles in to me after his last bottle and falls asleep. The peaceful gaze that he gives when I feed him. The way he "talks" to me at bath time and laughs at me when I "buzz" my lips together. Don't get me wrong he giggles and looks and smiles and snuggles with others...it's just a little different with the mama.
We have a long way to go on this road. The journey has just begun...but for today I am able to enjoy the fact that he celebrates his 3 month birthday with us. No cake no party hats or streamers just a song and a lot of hugs and kisses.
Happy Birthday Sweet Love! You have no idea how you've changed my world...
3 Month Statistics
14.1 pounds
23" long
Sleeps through the night...most nights.
Eats 6oz bottles every 4-5 hrs & we just 1 bowl of cereal at night
Is beginning to put himself to sleep
LOVES to sit up
LOVES to watch the dogs
LOVES his play mat that sings to him
LOVES to be talk to
LOVE LOVE LOVES Bath time (next to eating it is his FAVORITE time of day)
Seems to enjoy his first few bowls of cereal
Smiles when I sing "HIS" song t him
Has met his Grandma C, Mimi & Papa
Likes to sit up to watch TV while he burps
Found his fists & LOVES to eat them
Doesn't like to burp but doesn't like the side effects of an upset belly either.
Has yucky acid reflux
"but as for me, I watch in HOPE for the Lord I wait for God my Savior, my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
Please be in agreement with us that God will move quickly in this case & praying for HIS will to be accomplished. I am at peace knowing He already knows the ending of the story. But I have to remember sometimes moment by moment...there is a God and it is NOT me!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Rest
Within 24 hours God has had me teach on 1 Samuel 3 to my Elementary Kids
During my morning devotions brought me to Hebrews 4:1-13
Reminded me of Genesis 2:2-3 and Exodus 20:8
I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I think He might be trying to tell me something.
-a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities
-freedom from activity or labor
-a state of motionlessness or inactivity
-peace of mind or spirit (My favorite)
With a 8 week old, a growing changing ministry, 3 beautiful beauties that we have every other weekend, a home, a husband & a family rest can be difficult.
He has designed me after His own likeness. Who am I to think that if the God of creation needed rest that I don't . I don't purposely NOT rest. It just comes difficult to this ADD girl. I want to be all who He has created me to be. I don't want to waste one moment of what He's given me. All of that sounds good but honestly I just crave rest.
With my mom here now (which I am so thankful for) the only down time I have is in the car driving somewhere when she is at home taking care of the baby. I pray for God to speak to me and through me but was reminded while teaching on 1 Samuel that He can't when I can't be still in Him. When I can't rest in His presence. Doing what I do there is no corporate worship time or time of rest in a Sunday morning service. With 98 monthly volunteers needed it's difficult to stay still during a service.
Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I have to remember to give all of my needs to God. My peace and rest is found in Him alone. I am clearly aware of my neediness of Him. I am thankful for His continued gift of grace and abundant peace.
I CAN NOT DO THIS LIFE without you Father! I declare need you! I need your peace your grace your love. Thank you for loving me in spite of my daily failures. Thank you for loving me regardless of how I preform. Please continue to help my find peace and rest.
During my morning devotions brought me to Hebrews 4:1-13
Reminded me of Genesis 2:2-3 and Exodus 20:8
I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I think He might be trying to tell me something.
I
REST: noun-a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities
-freedom from activity or labor
-a state of motionlessness or inactivity
-peace of mind or spirit (My favorite)
With a 8 week old, a growing changing ministry, 3 beautiful beauties that we have every other weekend, a home, a husband & a family rest can be difficult.
He has designed me after His own likeness. Who am I to think that if the God of creation needed rest that I don't . I don't purposely NOT rest. It just comes difficult to this ADD girl. I want to be all who He has created me to be. I don't want to waste one moment of what He's given me. All of that sounds good but honestly I just crave rest.
With my mom here now (which I am so thankful for) the only down time I have is in the car driving somewhere when she is at home taking care of the baby. I pray for God to speak to me and through me but was reminded while teaching on 1 Samuel that He can't when I can't be still in Him. When I can't rest in His presence. Doing what I do there is no corporate worship time or time of rest in a Sunday morning service. With 98 monthly volunteers needed it's difficult to stay still during a service.
Daily, sometimes moment by moment, I have to remember to give all of my needs to God. My peace and rest is found in Him alone. I am clearly aware of my neediness of Him. I am thankful for His continued gift of grace and abundant peace.
I CAN NOT DO THIS LIFE without you Father! I declare need you! I need your peace your grace your love. Thank you for loving me in spite of my daily failures. Thank you for loving me regardless of how I preform. Please continue to help my find peace and rest.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Yep I'm done
I had a really rough Sunday in the ministry this past week. This morning after seeking God's face this week in why I do what I do and when He might let me out of this commitment I sat down trying to figure out my resignation letter...I came across this Resignation Letter. I have changed somethings to make it my own but it lead me to the realization that I.AM.DONE. I will not manipulate this ministry to be what I THINK God or my pastor or the children or the parents want it to be. I will surrender it fully to what God desires it to be...daily...
To My Pastor, Staff & Church family,
After much prayer and consideration, I have made a private
decision I need to make public here today.
Effective immediately, I am resigning as the leader of our
church children’s ministry.
I know that this may come has huge surprise to many. You may
wonder why I am taking this drastic measure to surrender my position. The
answer is simple: The challenges of leadership here are simply more than I can
currently handle. It is difficult for me to admit, but I have been in over my
head for some time now. I am inadequate to lead this children’s ministry and
must surrender my position.
I simply cannot do it alone or be in charge any more. For a long
time, I have carried the burden, the debt, the decisions, the pain and the
weight of trying to lead this Cathedral’s children’s ministry to greatness.
I thought for a long time that I could do it. I thought I
could turn it around. I thought that I could help it grow and reach more families.
I thought I was capable of leading our team of leaders in accomplishing great
things. I have worked hard to discipline and grow myself as a leader and
visionary for our children’s ministry.
More so than ever before God has shown me that I am not the person
for this job. For this reason I have made the decision to resign and surrender my
leadership position.
All that being said, I have no plans to leave the church.
I just don't want to be the leader anymore. My plan is to
continue to serve here, and you will see me around. I may not be as visible,
but I will be here. Don't be alarmed by this. When new leadership is securely
in place, I promise to you as a church
family: I will follow His leadership.
In fact, I have no intentions of resigning from my actual
position as Children’s Pastor of our church. I am confident that God called me
here for a purpose. I know for today that God has called me to be children’s
pastor of this church. Therefore, I am not resigning from my position.
I am simply resigning from any desire to be THE
LEADER of the children’s
ministry.
That is not my rightful place. My Father is and I am accountable
to live under His leadership and authority. I confess to you that this has
often not been the case. I have assumed His authority. I have disobeyed His
commands.
I have done what I wanted to do at the expense of what He has
told me to do. For that, I am sorry. I have already repented to God. Today, I apologize
to you.
This will not be my last resignation.
My tendency will be to try to take over and manipulate exactly what
God has asked me to do in our children’s ministry here at Cathedral of Life
from time to time. I will unconsciously try to steal His glory and His position
again. So I plan to make resignation as a leader of this church more a daily
practice in my life and ministry.
In fact, I think it will be important for all of us to remember
that God is the Leader of this church. No matter how long we have been at this
church or how long we have been Christians, it would be mistake not to call
everyone accountable as the head of this church other than God Himself. There
is not one of us here on staff or sitting here today that deserves to be in
charge of His church.
Honestly, there are some others out there who think they are. Others
of us wish we were. For that, we all need to repent.
This letter serves as notice that every single church leader
that calls our church home needs to surrender their resignations as well.
There is not one of us that has the right to lead this church.
None of us can hold on to leadership if we want our church to be successful. We
all must surrender control of our leadership. We have all held on to status,
position and control too long.
This is not our church or our children’s ministry. It belongs to
Jesus. We all must surrender our leadership positions regularly.
As you surrender your leadership roles, let me encourage you by
saying that every time I resign, the craziest thing happens:
An amazing
transformation happens in my life.
I feel liberated. My burdens feel lighter.
I feel a sense of incredible relief.
I feel relieved to know that I don't have to be the one who changes the
world or this church.
I feel relieved to know that I don't have to envision the future
for our children’s ministry.
That IS HIS job. I feel relieved to know that I don't have to
make things happen through brilliant strategy, leadership or clever preaching.
Life changing is His job. I wish I had never taken that job away from Him. He
is so much more capable than I am.
I'm sorry I ever took that role away from Him as well.
I have resigned. I surrender. I'll keep on resigning &
surrendering daily. Why? So God can do immeasurably more than I could ever ask
or imagine in and through my life and build HIS church THROUGH me! If that
sounds desirable to you, would you join me in surrendering your resignation today?
My Father has
asked me to surrender faithfully
& fully only to Him. It is my dependency on God not my dependency on my
ability that he can use. He has called me
to this position He WILL provide.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Hold On Tight
A week ago today started off a little different than normal. It was sunny and in Ohio during the winter that is very very odd. I was so thankful for the sun beaming in the car as I drove to work not knowing what God had planned for me that day.
Around 11 AM I received a phone call from a BLOCKED number. When I see that it means that Job & Family Services is trying to call me. As I answered the phone I noticed that I had missed 3 other phone calls from them starting at 9 AM.
Our caseworker on the other end said, "Kara did you get my messages?"
I said, "No I'm sorry. I had left my phone on my desk and it is on silent and I've had people in my office this morning."
She said "I need to know if you and Shawn are interested in placement of a newborn. He is 3 days old and you'd be picking him up from the hospital. You guys were the first people we thought of when we knew he needed placement. He does have potential paternal grandparents that may be interested if they can qualify. I am not sure about the length of placement."
I wonder how long I set quiet on the phone. My response was "Can I call Shawn and call you right back?"
Caseworker responded..."Absolutely!" Shawn's response was exactly the same as the caseworkers.
The next few hours were a blur. My friend (mother of four boys ages 5 mths - 7 yrs) went with me to pick up this new little man. I had been to that hospital's maternity ward many times but never to take a baby home with me. My friend asked questions that only a mom would know to ask. So thankful she came.
They even made me ride out in a wheelchair. So many emotions in this picture and the days to come. I was smiling on the outside but one the inside I kept thinking "if you drop this baby they are not going to let you take him home. HOLD ON TIGHT!" among many many other things.
Let me put this out there. This beautiful gift does in no way remove the pain of our three amazingly beautiful 3 going home. There are no promises as to how long this little man will be with us but I know my Father has a plan not only for this little mans life but for Shawn & mine as well.
"God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust” ― A.W. Tozer
...hold on tight...
Around 11 AM I received a phone call from a BLOCKED number. When I see that it means that Job & Family Services is trying to call me. As I answered the phone I noticed that I had missed 3 other phone calls from them starting at 9 AM.
Our caseworker on the other end said, "Kara did you get my messages?"
I said, "No I'm sorry. I had left my phone on my desk and it is on silent and I've had people in my office this morning."
She said "I need to know if you and Shawn are interested in placement of a newborn. He is 3 days old and you'd be picking him up from the hospital. You guys were the first people we thought of when we knew he needed placement. He does have potential paternal grandparents that may be interested if they can qualify. I am not sure about the length of placement."
I wonder how long I set quiet on the phone. My response was "Can I call Shawn and call you right back?"
Caseworker responded..."Absolutely!" Shawn's response was exactly the same as the caseworkers.
The next few hours were a blur. My friend (mother of four boys ages 5 mths - 7 yrs) went with me to pick up this new little man. I had been to that hospital's maternity ward many times but never to take a baby home with me. My friend asked questions that only a mom would know to ask. So thankful she came.
Let me put this out there. This beautiful gift does in no way remove the pain of our three amazingly beautiful 3 going home. There are no promises as to how long this little man will be with us but I know my Father has a plan not only for this little mans life but for Shawn & mine as well.
"God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust” ― A.W. Tozer
...hold on tight...
Monday, February 18, 2013
Our Weekend & My Top 10
I could not wait for Saturday morning to get here.
We picked up the kids at 8:15 Saturday morning and had a fun day together. They spent the night and went to church with us on Sunday. We had lunch with our friends. 4 couples, 1 grandma & 12 kids...We were definitely out numbered. After that we took them to build a bear. Then back to their moms house.
It was a fun weekend. Lots of things have changed. My love deep heart wrenching love has not. It was still hard to say good bye. I didn't cry until I got in the car this time! Yea Me! Still sad to know what could have been. It's hard to watch them struggle emotionally. They don't understand what's happening. I know their mom loves them...as much as she can...Just not sure she doesn't love herself more. I am thankful I don't have to stand in judge of that at the end of time. I'm only responsible for me and how I respond to things.
So after my husband and I dropped off the kids, got into a mean disagreement about the kids directly related to our pain I came back to work and made a top 10 list of WHY we do what we do. In no particular order...
1. Because I just get kids.
2. I love kids.
3. I love watching my husband with kids and how it changes his rough meanness to fun, laughter & love.
4. I love watching kids grow physically spiritually, emotionally, socially.
5. We are called to love as Jesus loved. I know He loved kids best :)
6. It heals my heart to be an aide in their healing. I've seen the same in my husband even if he won't admit it.
7. It been a blessing to us in many many ways
8. I love the way it draws me & my husband closer to each other like nothing else has ever done in 15 years.
9. We have a lot to offer a child & We have a lot to learn from a child.
10. God has given us the privilege to help impact lives.
It is painful to love. God has called me to do 2 things to love Him & to love them (others). I look at Jesus' life as an example. I can't imagine the pain He must have felt loving people and I realize 2 things.
...if it didn't hurt I wouldn't have love like He asked me to.
...what He has called me to do is NOT an easy thing but He has asked me anyways.
Praying for my husband a lot lately...praying God touches his heart. Men like to fix and he can't. Men do NOT like to have lack of control. He has none. I can't understand how hard this must be for him as a man. I just pray he knows I love him & that God loves him MORE!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Sums It Up
That one word sums it up for me right now...HOPE...
~May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with~
~HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.~Romans 15:13
Hope...I have to...I CHOOSE to.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Melts my heart
I can't believe they aren't here to hug and hold and kiss each night.
Found a picture that Logan (3) drew for me. He said "mommy it's my heart for you!" 10/2/11
Those three will always have my heart!
Found a picture that Logan (3) drew for me. He said "mommy it's my heart for you!" 10/2/11
Those three will always have my heart!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Honestly
Today is one of those days where I want to pull the covers up over my head and scream "I don't wanna!! I don't wanna! And you CAN'T make me!!!"
I want to stay in bed until my heart doesn't hurt anymore. Till my heart is filled with the happiness I had a month ago. Till I feel rested. Until this season is over...
...because watching my dreams die is so unbelievably painful.
But for now I have to get up and remember...
~it's not about me...it's about HIM
~ the JOY of the Lord is my strength
~ I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
~ testing of my faith produces perseverance
It's time to get ready for work. Father I pray for YOUR strength to come alive in me. I pray for wisdom grace and guidance. Give me your ears to hear...your eyes to see...your hands when I touch...your feet when I go....and your mouth to speak your words...thank you Father for knowing me 1st knowing BEST and loving me MOST. In spite of my imperfections.
I want to stay in bed until my heart doesn't hurt anymore. Till my heart is filled with the happiness I had a month ago. Till I feel rested. Until this season is over...
...because watching my dreams die is so unbelievably painful.
But for now I have to get up and remember...
~it's not about me...it's about HIM
~ the JOY of the Lord is my strength
~ I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
~ testing of my faith produces perseverance
It's time to get ready for work. Father I pray for YOUR strength to come alive in me. I pray for wisdom grace and guidance. Give me your ears to hear...your eyes to see...your hands when I touch...your feet when I go....and your mouth to speak your words...thank you Father for knowing me 1st knowing BEST and loving me MOST. In spite of my imperfections.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Change...
I woke up to a startling realization of something this morning. I cleaned the bathroom this weekend. This morning when I got out of the shower I realized...it's still clean...no tooth paste on the mirror. No trash 1/2 thrown away.
It's clean.
To some that would be a wonderful thing. To me it means my beautiful 3 are not with me. I miss them. I'd clean the bathroom everyday twice a day to have them home.
Father this morning I ask you to send you comforting heart to hold mine. Please protect & provide for those 3 beauties. Give them wisdom & understanding beyond their years. Help them process. Help us process. Remind mind them of memories and lesson learned while with us. I thank you and praise you for their lives, for our lives together! What a blessing they are to so many.
It's clean.
To some that would be a wonderful thing. To me it means my beautiful 3 are not with me. I miss them. I'd clean the bathroom everyday twice a day to have them home.
Father this morning I ask you to send you comforting heart to hold mine. Please protect & provide for those 3 beauties. Give them wisdom & understanding beyond their years. Help them process. Help us process. Remind mind them of memories and lesson learned while with us. I thank you and praise you for their lives, for our lives together! What a blessing they are to so many.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Joy Unspeakable
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)
They must turn from evil and do good; they must SEEK peace and PURSUE it. (1 Peter 3:11 NIV)
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NIV)
After I dropped the older two off with their grandfather yesterday I went to a parking lot and cried. Cried from the moment I said "see you in the morning" till the moment I walked in the doors at home. I sat in the parking lot for an hour trying to make myself stop crying. My heart was grief stricken like when my father died.
I prayed for peace in the parking lot. I prayed for Gods wisdom on how to grieve and for guidance. I prayed for protection of their minds, their souls, their lives, their hearts. I prayed for courage for them. I prayed for their family...that they realize the gift(s) that they have been blessed with. I prayed for endurance. I prayed do deal with this withOUT tears.
Songs began to rise from within me.
"Joy unspeakable that wont go away. Just enough faith to live for today. I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring. My faith is on solid rock...I'm counting on God."
"It will be my Joy to say YOUR will YOUR way...always"
I came home from work early last night. The tears just wouldn't stay away. Not sobbing just flowing. When I walked through the doors I have a three year old leaping for joy that I was home.
"Mommy's home!!!! Yeah!! I missed you mommy!!!" He was exclaiming as he jumped into my arms.
"Daddy & I got pizza! Come eat with me!" He said.
I relished every moment of the evening with him. Feeling so blessed. Feeling so much joy in the mist of my aching heart.
God has reminded me of so many things lately.
#1 What I've asked of you is not easy. But I've asked you anyways.
#2 If it wasn't painful you wouldn't have loved like Jesus loved.
With that I realize that mourning will be just a season but how I respond is important.
He is a fulfiller of promises. He is not man that he should lie. He is my Father and He loves me first He loves me most & He knows me best.
They must turn from evil and do good; they must SEEK peace and PURSUE it. (1 Peter 3:11 NIV)
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NIV)
After I dropped the older two off with their grandfather yesterday I went to a parking lot and cried. Cried from the moment I said "see you in the morning" till the moment I walked in the doors at home. I sat in the parking lot for an hour trying to make myself stop crying. My heart was grief stricken like when my father died.
I prayed for peace in the parking lot. I prayed for Gods wisdom on how to grieve and for guidance. I prayed for protection of their minds, their souls, their lives, their hearts. I prayed for courage for them. I prayed for their family...that they realize the gift(s) that they have been blessed with. I prayed for endurance. I prayed do deal with this withOUT tears.
Songs began to rise from within me.
"Joy unspeakable that wont go away. Just enough faith to live for today. I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring. My faith is on solid rock...I'm counting on God."
"It will be my Joy to say YOUR will YOUR way...always"
I came home from work early last night. The tears just wouldn't stay away. Not sobbing just flowing. When I walked through the doors I have a three year old leaping for joy that I was home.
"Mommy's home!!!! Yeah!! I missed you mommy!!!" He was exclaiming as he jumped into my arms.
"Daddy & I got pizza! Come eat with me!" He said.
I relished every moment of the evening with him. Feeling so blessed. Feeling so much joy in the mist of my aching heart.
God has reminded me of so many things lately.
#1 What I've asked of you is not easy. But I've asked you anyways.
#2 If it wasn't painful you wouldn't have loved like Jesus loved.
With that I realize that mourning will be just a season but how I respond is important.
He is a fulfiller of promises. He is not man that he should lie. He is my Father and He loves me first He loves me most & He knows me best.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
And so it begins.
one year...ten months...six days...everything changes....
The older two will begin their transition back to their moms house today after school. We had dinner for the last time as our family. We laughed together watching AFV for the last time as our family. We said prayers and sang praises for one final time together.
I can't help but have tear streaming from my eyes.
We had a 2 am wake up call with bad dreams...
We had a 4 am wake up call for the potty...
Yet another 4:32 am wake up call to blow a nose & to pray the bad dreams away.
And that was just LAST night.
As much as I love them with every part of my being...I have to daily make a choice to realize I am not their protector. God is! I am not their provider. God is!
He will always do a much better job than I would. I am thankful and grateful for each and every moment with them. I pray that their faith roots will develop quickly and run deep.
I love them more than I ever thought I possibly could. I can't imagine how much God loves them...and me.
Thank you Father for choosing me for these three even if it were just for a moment.
one year...ten months...six days...it feels like forever...but gone in just a moment.
The older two will begin their transition back to their moms house today after school. We had dinner for the last time as our family. We laughed together watching AFV for the last time as our family. We said prayers and sang praises for one final time together.
I can't help but have tear streaming from my eyes.
We had a 2 am wake up call with bad dreams...
We had a 4 am wake up call for the potty...
Yet another 4:32 am wake up call to blow a nose & to pray the bad dreams away.
And that was just LAST night.
As much as I love them with every part of my being...I have to daily make a choice to realize I am not their protector. God is! I am not their provider. God is!
He will always do a much better job than I would. I am thankful and grateful for each and every moment with them. I pray that their faith roots will develop quickly and run deep.
I love them more than I ever thought I possibly could. I can't imagine how much God loves them...and me.
Thank you Father for choosing me for these three even if it were just for a moment.
one year...ten months...six days...it feels like forever...but gone in just a moment.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Got to have the Faith the FAITH THE FAITH...
Faith by George Michael use to be one of my sisters favorite songs.
God knows how much I just love to read. Actually he know just how sarcastic I am as well. I've challenged my self to read 8 books this year. I dislike reading but I love knowledge. I love the book I'm reading right now. "Greater" by Steven Furtick.
He talks about living a GREATER life. Something more than just ordinary. I have been questioning lately why I do what I do. While I love it...I feel so inadequate. Daily. I've found if I don't keep myself focused on who I am than I find myself, my faith, my confidence shrinking at an extremely fast pace. One thing that I continue to learn is that my faith is only what I make it. You don't just drift in to faith.
Faith is action...Faith is work...
“Consider whats at steak.
Greater authority and confidence in God than you’ve ever known
Greater clarity of your identity and your calling
Greater purpose as you approach everyday tasks
Greater joy in knowing that you’re in the sweet spot of God’s blessing
Greater influence over the people around you
Greater impact in the world."
“If you are a woman of faith, you need to live a life that requires faith. You’ve been talking about faith, but you are a mastermind at maneuvering so that you don’t have to have any faith at all”
“a big dream without a small start is nothing but a daydream. God initiates the biggest changes in our lives through the smallest starts.”
Excerpt From: Furtick, Steven. “Greater.” Multnomah Books, 2012-09-04. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
I don't know that God has planned for Shawn & I with these beautiful 3, in ohio, our jobs, or for the next 5 years but I do know I don't want to be ordinary any more. I was never born to fit in. I want to be the extraordinary that God created me to be.
God knows how much I just love to read. Actually he know just how sarcastic I am as well. I've challenged my self to read 8 books this year. I dislike reading but I love knowledge. I love the book I'm reading right now. "Greater" by Steven Furtick.
He talks about living a GREATER life. Something more than just ordinary. I have been questioning lately why I do what I do. While I love it...I feel so inadequate. Daily. I've found if I don't keep myself focused on who I am than I find myself, my faith, my confidence shrinking at an extremely fast pace. One thing that I continue to learn is that my faith is only what I make it. You don't just drift in to faith.
Faith is action...Faith is work...
“Consider whats at steak.
Greater authority and confidence in God than you’ve ever known
Greater clarity of your identity and your calling
Greater purpose as you approach everyday tasks
Greater joy in knowing that you’re in the sweet spot of God’s blessing
Greater influence over the people around you
Greater impact in the world."
“If you are a woman of faith, you need to live a life that requires faith. You’ve been talking about faith, but you are a mastermind at maneuvering so that you don’t have to have any faith at all”
“a big dream without a small start is nothing but a daydream. God initiates the biggest changes in our lives through the smallest starts.”
Excerpt From: Furtick, Steven. “Greater.” Multnomah Books, 2012-09-04. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
I don't know that God has planned for Shawn & I with these beautiful 3, in ohio, our jobs, or for the next 5 years but I do know I don't want to be ordinary any more. I was never born to fit in. I want to be the extraordinary that God created me to be.
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