Monday, February 18, 2013

Our Weekend & My Top 10

I could not wait for Saturday morning to get here.

We picked up the kids at 8:15 Saturday morning and had a fun day together. They spent the night and went to church with us on Sunday. We had lunch with our friends. 4 couples, 1 grandma & 12 kids...We were definitely out numbered. After that we took them to build a bear. Then back to their moms house. 

It was a fun weekend. Lots of things have changed. My love deep heart wrenching love has not. It was still hard to say good bye. I didn't cry until I got in the car this time! Yea Me! Still sad to know what could have been. It's hard to watch them struggle emotionally. They don't understand what's happening. I know their mom loves them...as much as she can...Just not sure she doesn't love herself more. I am thankful I don't have to stand in judge of that at the end of time. I'm only responsible for me and how I respond to things. 

So after my husband and I dropped off the kids, got into a mean disagreement about the kids directly related to our pain I came back to work and made a top 10 list of WHY we do what we do. In no particular order...

1. Because I just get kids. 
2. I love kids. 
3. I love watching my husband with kids and how it changes his rough meanness to fun, laughter & love.
4. I love watching kids grow physically spiritually, emotionally, socially.
5. We are called to love as Jesus loved. I know He loved kids best :) 
6. It heals my heart to be an aide in their healing. I've seen the same in my husband even if he won't admit it. 
7. It been a blessing to us in many many ways
8. I love the way it draws me & my husband closer to each other like nothing else has ever done in 15 years. 
9. We have a lot to offer a child & We have a lot to learn from a child. 
10. God has given us the privilege to help impact lives. 

It is painful to love. God has called me to do 2 things to love Him & to love them (others). I look at Jesus' life as an example. I can't imagine the pain He must have felt loving people and I realize 2 things.

...if it didn't hurt I wouldn't have love like He asked me to. 
...what He has called me to do is NOT an easy thing but He has asked me anyways. 

Praying for my husband a lot lately...praying God touches his heart. Men like to fix and he can't. Men do NOT like to have lack of control. He has none. I can't understand how hard this must be for him as a man. I just pray he knows I love him & that God loves him MORE!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Sums It Up


That one word sums it up for me right now...HOPE...

~May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with~ 
~HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.~Romans 15:13

Hope...I have to...I CHOOSE to.




Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Melts my heart

I can't believe they aren't here to hug and hold and kiss each night.

Found a picture that Logan (3) drew for me. He said "mommy it's my heart for you!" 10/2/11

Those three will always have my heart!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Made Me Laugh

I love this show!



Sunday, February 3, 2013

Honestly

Today is one of those days where I want to pull the covers up over my head and scream "I don't wanna!! I don't wanna! And you CAN'T make me!!!"

I want to stay in bed until my heart doesn't hurt anymore. Till my heart is filled with the happiness I had a month ago. Till I feel rested. Until this season is over...

...because watching my dreams die is so unbelievably painful.

But for now I have to get up and remember...
~it's not about me...it's about HIM
~ the JOY of the Lord is my strength
~ I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
~ testing of my faith produces perseverance

It's time to get ready for work. Father I pray for YOUR strength to come alive in me. I pray for wisdom grace and guidance. Give me your ears to hear...your eyes to see...your hands when I touch...your feet when I go....and your mouth to speak your words...thank you Father for knowing me 1st knowing BEST and loving me MOST. In spite of my imperfections.