We picked up the kids at 8:15 Saturday morning and had a fun day together. They spent the night and went to church with us on Sunday. We had lunch with our friends. 4 couples, 1 grandma & 12 kids...We were definitely out numbered. After that we took them to build a bear. Then back to their moms house.
It was a fun weekend. Lots of things have changed. My love deep heart wrenching love has not. It was still hard to say good bye. I didn't cry until I got in the car this time! Yea Me! Still sad to know what could have been. It's hard to watch them struggle emotionally. They don't understand what's happening. I know their mom loves them...as much as she can...Just not sure she doesn't love herself more. I am thankful I don't have to stand in judge of that at the end of time. I'm only responsible for me and how I respond to things.
So after my husband and I dropped off the kids, got into a mean disagreement about the kids directly related to our pain I came back to work and made a top 10 list of WHY we do what we do. In no particular order...
1. Because I just get kids.
2. I love kids.
3. I love watching my husband with kids and how it changes his rough meanness to fun, laughter & love.
4. I love watching kids grow physically spiritually, emotionally, socially.
5. We are called to love as Jesus loved. I know He loved kids best :)
6. It heals my heart to be an aide in their healing. I've seen the same in my husband even if he won't admit it.
7. It been a blessing to us in many many ways
8. I love the way it draws me & my husband closer to each other like nothing else has ever done in 15 years.
9. We have a lot to offer a child & We have a lot to learn from a child.
10. God has given us the privilege to help impact lives.
It is painful to love. God has called me to do 2 things to love Him & to love them (others). I look at Jesus' life as an example. I can't imagine the pain He must have felt loving people and I realize 2 things.
...if it didn't hurt I wouldn't have love like He asked me to.
...what He has called me to do is NOT an easy thing but He has asked me anyways.
Praying for my husband a lot lately...praying God touches his heart. Men like to fix and he can't. Men do NOT like to have lack of control. He has none. I can't understand how hard this must be for him as a man. I just pray he knows I love him & that God loves him MORE!