Monday, January 28, 2013

Change...

I woke up to a startling realization of something this morning. I cleaned the bathroom this weekend. This morning when I got out of the shower I realized...it's still clean...no tooth paste on the mirror. No trash 1/2 thrown away.

It's clean.

To some that would be a wonderful thing. To me it means my beautiful 3 are not with me. I miss them. I'd clean the bathroom everyday twice a day to have them home.

Father this morning I ask you to send you comforting heart to hold mine. Please protect & provide for those 3 beauties. Give them wisdom & understanding beyond their years. Help them process. Help us process. Remind mind them of memories and lesson learned while with us. I thank you and praise you for their lives, for our lives together! What a blessing they are to so many.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Joy Unspeakable

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NIV)

They must turn from evil and do good; they must SEEK peace and PURSUE it. (1 Peter 3:11 NIV)

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5 NIV)

After I dropped the older two off with their grandfather yesterday I went to a parking lot and cried. Cried from the moment I said "see you in the morning" till the moment I walked in the doors at home. I sat in the parking lot for an hour trying to make myself stop crying. My heart was grief stricken like when my father died.

I prayed for peace in the parking lot. I prayed for Gods wisdom on how to grieve and for guidance. I prayed for protection of their minds, their souls, their lives, their hearts. I prayed for courage for them. I prayed for their family...that they realize the gift(s) that they have been blessed with. I prayed for endurance. I prayed do deal with this withOUT tears.

Songs began to rise from within me.
"Joy unspeakable that wont go away. Just enough faith to live for today. I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring. My faith is on solid rock...I'm counting on God."

"It will be my Joy to say YOUR will YOUR way...always"

I came home from work early last night. The tears just wouldn't stay away. Not sobbing just flowing. When I walked through the doors I have a three year old leaping for joy that I was home.

"Mommy's home!!!! Yeah!! I missed you mommy!!!" He was exclaiming as he jumped into my arms.

"Daddy & I got pizza! Come eat with me!" He said.

I relished every moment of the evening with him. Feeling so blessed. Feeling so much joy in the mist of my aching heart.

God has reminded me of so many things lately.

#1 What I've asked of you is not easy. But I've asked you anyways.
#2 If it wasn't painful you wouldn't have loved like Jesus loved.

With that I realize that mourning will be just a season but how I respond is important.

He is a fulfiller of promises. He is not man that he should lie. He is my Father and He loves me first He loves me most & He knows me best.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

And so it begins.

one year...ten months...six days...everything changes....

The older two will begin their transition back to their moms house today after school. We had dinner for the last time as our family. We laughed together watching AFV for the last time as our family. We said prayers and sang praises for one final time together.

I can't help but have tear streaming from my eyes.

We had a 2 am wake up call with bad dreams...
We had a 4 am wake up call for the potty...
Yet another 4:32 am wake up call to blow a nose & to pray the bad dreams away.

And that was just LAST night.

As much as I love them with every part of my being...I have to daily make a choice to realize I am not their protector. God is! I am not their provider. God is!

He will always do a much better job than I would. I am thankful and grateful for each and every moment with them. I pray that their faith roots will develop quickly and run deep.

I love them more than I ever thought I possibly could. I can't imagine how much God loves them...and me.

Thank you Father for choosing me for these three even if it were just for a moment.

one year...ten months...six days...it feels like forever...but gone in just a moment.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Got to have the Faith the FAITH THE FAITH...

Faith by George Michael use to be one of my sisters favorite songs.

God knows how much I just love to read. Actually he know just how sarcastic I am as well. I've challenged my self to read 8 books this year. I dislike reading but I love knowledge. I love the book I'm reading right now. "Greater" by Steven Furtick.

He talks about living a GREATER life. Something more than just ordinary. I have been questioning lately why I do what I do. While I love it...I feel so inadequate. Daily. I've found if I don't keep myself focused on who I am than I find myself, my faith, my confidence shrinking at an extremely fast pace. One thing that I continue to learn is that my faith is only what I make it. You don't just drift in to faith.

Faith is action...Faith is work...

“Consider whats at steak.
Greater authority and confidence in God than you’ve ever known
Greater clarity of your identity and your calling
Greater purpose as you approach everyday tasks
Greater joy in knowing that you’re in the sweet spot of God’s blessing
Greater influence over the people around you
Greater impact in the world."

“If you are a woman of faith, you need to live a life that requires faith. You’ve been talking about faith, but you are a mastermind at maneuvering so that you don’t have to have any faith at all”

“a big dream without a small start is nothing but a daydream. God initiates the biggest changes in our lives through the smallest starts.”

Excerpt From: Furtick, Steven. “Greater.” Multnomah Books, 2012-09-04. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

I don't know that God has planned for Shawn & I with these beautiful 3, in ohio, our jobs, or for the next 5 years but I do know I don't want to be ordinary any more. I was never born to fit in. I want to be the extraordinary that God created me to be.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

Greater

I have been reading this book by Steven Furtick entitled Greater. Here's an excerpt of what the chapters read today.

“God, whatever the greater life You are calling me into might look like, I’m in. Whether it’s a big thing or a small thing You call me to do, I believe it will be a greater thing because You’re the One who is calling and You are greater than all things. Whether the greater life means leaving something behind or becoming more passionate about where I am, I’ve decided to follow You.
“Here’s my life, Lord. It’s open ended. And it’s pointed in the direction of the next step You call me to take. No matter what it costs.”

This year my new year's resolution is is to thrive instead of just survive the year. I want the greater things God has for me in my personal walk with Him, in my marriage, in my relationships with others, in my everyday life. He is able todo immeasurably more...not just a little more...than I can even imagine! That blows my mind. I pray that He gives me eyes to see His vision for my life, ears to hear Him crystal clear and courage to step into what He is asking of me.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

2013...Really?

I was speaking to one of my friends that I have the pleasure of working with today about the past year. He said he was excited about the new year and about camp season...for most people there are 4 seasons...Winter Spring Summer & Fall.

Where we come from there is Winter, Spring, Camp, VBS, Camp, Summer, Fall.

We were talking about the past years successes and failures. I said that I want to thrive this year and not just survive this year.  I want to enjoy the journey not just not just hold it together. A year of exponential growth. Not settling but continued growth. I spoke of missed opportunities, figuring out how to use that God's given me effectively, how to grow to be who God's creating me to be, finding balance with so much emotional things going on especially with the kids...yada yada yada

I received a txt of later today that said...

4 signs of growth...
1. Recognizing missed opportunities
2.Utilizing the resources you already have
3. Processing the ability to objectively analyzing one's performance
4. Spiritual mental and emotional balance.

So thankful that God has blessed me with friends who encourage.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12