Thursday, September 15, 2011

Today...

Today is one of "those" days. One of those days that has been a struggle & a blessing. One of those days where I wanted to stay in bed and cover my head and not come up for a few days. One of those days where I'm excited about things but so scared of what tomorrow might hold. One of those days were I pray for the children's family with hope that justice for their sake is served and that lifes will begin to be changed for the positive. One of those days when you don't know exactly HOW to pray.

Father I thank you today for all your blessings. I pray that you show me what satan doesn't want me to see. Show me how YOU see me. Show me what is for now & what is for later. Show me how to prepare for the harvest that is coming. Give me your heart to love, your eyes to see, your ears to hear you crystal clear, your hands to touch, your feet to go, and your mouth to speak your words. Help me to be who you have created me to be. I love you.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Philippians 4:13

What does
~six kids (ages 1,2,4,4,6,8)
~103.8 fever
~the monday AFTER VBS
~Strep Thoat
~flooded basement
~HORRIBLE Strep rash on the BACK of my neck
~husband working late (again for the 5th night in a row)

ALL have in common???

Not a VERY good Monday!

It's days like this that I am glad I have scriptures hidden in my heart! :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

In the beginning...

In the beginning my plan was to blog everyday so I wouldn't forget a moment of how they make me feel...how my husband stepped into fatherhood...how I adjusted to motherhood...how they grow...the cute things they do...the frustrations of being a foster parent...the joys of finally getting to feel a little bit of what it was like to be a mommy...how God is working through them to change & mold me. But then it happened...the unthinkable...something that you can never fully prepare for...

L.I.F.E.

That's right. Life. Crazy but it's true. My life over the past few months has been consumed everything and more of what I mentioned about but also I have had 2 summer camps and in the middle of what is turning out to be the BEST VBS YET!

Shawn came once again to pick up the kids from VBS and put them to bed. Since I'm in charge I have to be there until the last person leaves & that can make for a late night for these babies. (Shawn has been an AMAZING help during the busiest month of my year.) When I came home tonight I heard the VBS music playing from G's bedroom. I was tucking them in & kissing them good night & the words just really struck me as I looked at these 3 beautiful children...

It seems like there’s so much to hope for
So many dreams, I wish they all could come true
When I think about your ways, Lord
It gives me so much faith in all that you do
Faith to see beyond what I can see
Faith to know that you will do great things
I will trust you Lord, I’ll always believe
As I hold on to my faith
Jesus, you are holding on to me.

Father I pray that you fill there hearts with dreams that can not be squelched. Please give them the faith to see beyond they could possibly see...Father give them the strength to know that they will do GREAT things...that you have BIG plans for them...Give them Godly confidence, wisdom, & grace. Forgive me Father for not being the mother that they need at all times. Thank you for loving & giving me the opportunity to love these children.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Camp 2011

REMAIN: to be a part not destroyed,
to continue unchanged
Continue to exist


I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:1-14

Camp begins today...I have two weeks of camp where I am "in charge" of nothing but hold ultimate responsibility...This week we will be learning what it means to be a STRETCHER BEARER.

Mark 2:1-12 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…” He said to the paralytic, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”


Father, I come to you today, Father's Day, thanking you for being such an AMAZING Father...asking you for so much. We need Your Divine protection this week for each and every child & leader that walks out onto your camp. Father I ask that you guide & direct our every word our every step our every thought. Show me what satan doesn't want me to see. Remind me daily how YOU see me. Father give me wisdom to know what is for now and what is for later. Show me how to prepare for the harvest which has been promised to us. I pray for WONDERS SIGNS and MIRACLES this week that are beyond our wildest comprehension. Praying that Every leader will be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19) Father I beg of You to let EVERY word that comes fourth from my mouth be PLEASING to you and let every meditation of my heart be acceptable to You. I pray this all in Your sons holy name & may you receive all GLORY HORNOR & PRAISE!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Melting

I love having the kids around to talk to and act silly with or just listening to them talk about their dreams, their hopes, their world. The world they are going up in is so much different than the one I grew up in. They are adjusting well and growing rapidly. I know God has great plans for and everyone of them.

The other morning was the first warm (enough) day to wear a dress. As I was loosing my patience as I was loosing the battle in trying to get S(4) ready for school. She was fighting every inch of the way until I brought one of her new dresses out of the closet. She jumped up and started getting undressed because she couldn't WAIT to wear this little sun dress I had picked out for her. I fixed her hair so she could wear it down with just clips in it. As I cleaned the dried tooth paste off her sweet face I couldn't help up smily at this little four year old standing on a step stool beaming at her reflection in the mirror. She said sometime that I hope I never forget. She looked me right in the eyes and said...


"Mommy Tthank you for always making me feel like a Princess. I love you!"

My prayer is that every day she feels like the princess that GOD created her to be. Father, I pray that her self esteem will be rooted and grounded in YOU and what YOU have created her to be. I pray that she will accept Jesus as her Lord and learn to hear YOUR voice at an early age. May her joy continue to overflow as she is filled with the joy that only the Holy Spirit can give. Thank you Father for this gift of your children being in our home. Please help me to grow and change by these experiences.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Obedience vs. Sacrifice

Recently God has brought back to me a prayer that I prayed. I prayed this prayer with all of my heart probably about 8 years ago.

"Dear God, if you could just tell me if Shawn & I will have a baby one day I will be okay with waiting until your timing is right. If this is a desire in my heart that I need to NOT have I want to release it now to You. But if You know that we are going to have a child then show me so I can wait patiently and protect that desire You have placed in my heart."

A while after I prayed that (I can't remember the exact timing of it but it was awhile after) I had a dream. A dream that was so real and so detailed it made my heartache when I awoke.

In this dream I was in a room it was the middle of the night holding this tiny little baby boy. He was just skin and bones and I was trying my hardest to get him to eat. I was praying over him asking God to strengthen him, to nourish, him to protect him. I was praying for knowledge on knowing how to care for this tiny baby. I wasn't even sure WHO he was. I remember being so nervous not knowing what to do.

I looked up and saw this man standing in the door way "Don't be afraid. I was sent here by God to let you know it is all going to be ok."

I said looking down at this little baby boy and asked the man, "Who is this?"

He said, "This is your son that you have prayed for. He will be a world changer one day...in GOD's time not yours."

I looked back down at the baby and said, "I don't even know how to care for him. I'm not even sure if I know his name."

He said, "God will show you how to care for him. His name is Zechariah David."

I looked back up at where the man was standing and he was gone. As I sat there and rocked him and prayed over him I felt peace instead of anxiousness.

The next morning when I woke up and was thinking about this dream. I was thankful for it but wondered if it was just my mind trying to comfort my soul some how. I didn't tell anyone for a while then when I did my friend Sarah told me to look up what those names meant.

Zechariah: The Lord remembers
David: The Beloved one

For years after that dream I prayed and prayed for us to conceive...which I still do...but God has revealed to me that maybe just maybe this "world changer" may come through adoption. I don't pretend to know what God has planned. I am thankful for His promises and I pray that I will obey His every word instead of displaying my sacrifices.

Why He during this season continues to remind me of this dream that happened 7-8 years ago I'm not quite sure but I felt as though I needed to type it out so I will never forget.

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Artist & The Mermaid

Last night in evening church they taught on dreams in the elementary class and how God can use our dreams to speak to us just like He did for Joseph and others in the Bible.

On the way home G(8) says kind of quietly..."I have a dream."

I said "you do??? What about?"

He says, "I have a dream of being an artist when I grow up."

This is the first time he has verbalized that he has seen beyond the moment. I have tried talking about this before and he never would answer or say he just wasn't ever going to grow up.

I said, "WOW an artist is soooo cool! You would be great at that! I am going to keep the stuff that you make/color/draw for when you become famous one day."

As I glanced in the back seat he smiled and looked out the window.

Then S(4) announced, "Mom I know what I want to be when I grow up too!"

I said, "You do? What do you want to be when you grow up?"

She VERY PROUDLY proclaims, "I want to be a mermaid!". She pauses to think for a moment..."or may be a BEAR!" she shouts with excitement.

So for now we are fostering a future ARTIST & a Mermaid...or possibly a Bear.

I love the way kids think!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Amazed

It's been almost 9 weeks and I don't have a long time before I go to bed but just wanted to jot down something...

I am amazed how God continually uses these children to reveal His love to me. Daily. I love teaching them about their CREATOR.

I love the way they love my husband. I love bedtime. I love the stillness before the storm (5:15am - 6:25am) I love their laughter. I love kissing their tears. I love laughing with them. I love seeing them succeed. Even as little as the baby walking up and down the stairs without holding my hand and at the bottom he shouts "I DID IT!"

I love the hugs. I love hearing them sing HE IS ALIVE! HE IS ALIVE! WE ARE FREE!!! I love holding them when they fall asleep on me. But most of all I love KNOWING that no matter what the seeds that God is using me to plant NO ONE NO ONE NO ONE can take way!!! They WILL produce fruit! I know it!

I don't know what my life would be like with them...

I am reminded of a quote by Dr. Seuss...Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Today was a good day...I hope I always remember. God? Did you take pictures for my scrap book up in my "heaven house"?

Tonight as I finish this glass of wine in the peace and quite of my home I am thankful that God is using me faults and all.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I can't help but wonder...

The past 12 days have been a complete roller coaster. I want to document as much as I can because I know this isn't going to last forever. I remember the anticipation of Shawn & I as we were expecting them at 5 but they didn't show till 6. The dogs were outside with their bones. The house was vacuumed. The beds were made. Dinner was on the stove. We were ready...as we could be.

It made me happy to see Shawn sitting on the front steps as they pulled in the drive. I was scared to walk out the door. We sat down and wrote out questions to ask. Didn't realize that nothing else was going to mattered that evening.

Then the first few minutes after they walked in...showing them around...hearing S(4) answer "I Know!" to everything that I showed her. Watching G(just turned 8 a few days before) flip and flop all over his bed, EXCITED (for the moment) to have his own bed. Then there was little L(1) holding so tightly to the case workers shirt but asking for a banana.

They were so hungry, excited, scared, dirty, sick, ready, misunderstood, sad, covered, lonely, loving, talkitive.

The first night they slept...I slept...Shawn always sleeps...

My # 1 surprise that first night...not EVERY child likes spaghetti

Mile Marker of today...We brushed teeth this morning with out tears.

Fact about parenthood I'm realizing...I need a bigger car & purse...

One of my favorite things...Listening to them laugh!

My prayer for today...Father help each pecious child to learn to trust YOU early on & to remain faithfully commited to Your ways throughout their lives.

I can't help but wonder why God chose us to be blessed by these children. I can't help but wonder how long we will be in their lives.

I know it's only day 12...but I will be sad if/when they leave.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Jeremiah 29:11

Thankful for that promise :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

In So Deep

I love it when God knows what you need before you need it...Don't know why that continues to surprise me. Two Sunday's ago I had someone come up to me and ask if I knew anyone who wanted a free set of bunk beds. I explained to them that we had just been approved to be foster parents. Someone also gave us a toddler bed.

We got a call Thursday March 17...the second one since we were approved. We agreed this time. We are now fostering three children. It's been a week and we are finally starting to find out groove. They are 8(boy)4(girl)& 1 (boy) and working toward reunification with their birth family. I can't post names but may post pictures from time to time..well see...

I've learned so much so far. For now nap time if offically over & I am off to pick up one from school!

Amazed by how my life has changed in one week. Excited to see what the future. Thanking God that everyday is a new adventure.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

It Is Finished...well not really...

It's been a long road filled with many potholes, twists, turns, and even dirt paths. But when I say It Is Finished what my heart knows is This is only the beginning of a new chapter.

Shawn & I were approved to be foster/adoptive parents the beginning of this month. It's scary I have to admit. In doing this I realize I will have no control on when we are called in to action, I will have to be so fervently seeking God's voice, the Holy Spirits prompting, & following Jesus' actions even more now than before. I probably have more reservations than Shawn. My life's work is wrapped around ministering to others.

I don't know how I will do this...emotionally.
I'm not sure if my life will ever be the same since "our" other kids went back home. Don't know how we'll handle it if/when kids come and go from our house.
I don't know how OUR relationship will change.
I'm not sure if I will be able to handle the pressure.

I do know that I/We feel called to do this. Called to give a piece of my heart to those who may never have know God's love.

What I do know that 2 Timothy 4:2 has a WHOLE new meaning to me.

What I do know is that I serve a God who performs miracles and displays HIS power among his people.

What I do know is that His plans for me give me HOPE.

What I do know is that by doing this my tent pegs...OUR tent pegs have been enlarged!! And I WILL NOT be afraid.

What I do know is that God gave me 10 fingers for a reason...

These are the promises that I will come back to on days when I'm not sure how I will get through. I am so thankful for the opportunities He will bring our way.

ON YOUR MARK...GET SET...GO!!!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Prayer Today...

Father I ask you totally & absolutely set my heart on fire for you! Ignite my heart with passion that consumes me so great that merely settling or maintaining isn’t fulfilling enough for me. Father I don’t want to just make a living to be ok but I desire to fulfill my passion/calling & make a difference for your Kingdom.

Father I ask you to give me the guts to choose to lead out of CONVICTION of the Holy Spirit rather than the CONVENIENCE of doing what is easy. Help me to ALWAYS do what is right even when it’s not easy.

Father God I ask you to allow me to see people the way YOU sees people. Give me YOUR eyes to see your people. Help me to take “church/world colored glasses” off and begin to see the world the way YOU sees it…Change my view! Comfort my heart as with grace and mercy as I see their pain.

Father thank you for reminding me that I don’t have all the answers and I don't have to have all the answer. Only YOU are God…I am not. It takes a great deal of faith to believe that I can do EXACTLY what you have called me to do. In this time, in this place, for this season. Your words will NOT return void.

Father I ask you to remind me that I am not out to win anyone’s approval but yours! Not everyone has to understand me or like me or be on serve in my area of ministry. Father remind me daily of Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Father continue to give me the courage to PRAY BOLD PRAYERS for me, for my family, for our church! Help me to pray daily sun stand still prayers like Joshua…Father I pray for safety in my family, my home, my church. Father I BEG for things to happen in my life in my family in my church that is UNEXPLAINABLE and UNDENIABLE so that YOU and only YOU can receive ALL the glory ALL the honor and ALL the praise.

Father I ask that You help me to stop trying to be who and what everyone else wants me to be and be who YOU have called me to be…allow this ministry to be a result of responding Your REVELATION and not the IMITATION of others!!!

Enlarge my tent pegs Father...Thank you Father for pruning me, growing in me & for loving me in spite of my shortcomings. I love you so!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

This year holds so many promises. Just like each new day does. I am not exactly sure where to start.

This year has started out a little differently...We still had our same New Years Eve Bash at our house with our friends. My mom was there this time. She has recently retired so she spent the holidays up here with us. We had a white Christmas and a warm New Years. It has been fun reminiscing with her about my childhood...learning about her childhood...planning for a different future than what either one of us expected.

We are now in the second week of January 2011...WOW...tonight I finish up adoption classes. I can't help but wonder what God has in store for us. Honestly I have to admit I am a little scared...The not knowing, the fear of making a wrong move, what seems like never ending anticipation.

You are the God who performs miracles; YOU display your power among the people. Psalm 77:14

I don't usually start out the year anxious (not sure if that's the right word)...but this year I have...I don't particularly care for that...I feel like I don't know how to move forward. As if I have already used up all my Faith & Hope and have seen no change. Do I just need to have more patience? or am I just too scared of failing...If I am just too scared of failing that means I don't have the faith I profess to have. or am I just too selfish to fail for God.

The beginning of the year I am usually filled with HUGE hopes, desires, excitement, and anticipation of what God can and will do in the up coming year. In my, life in my husbands, life in the life of the church. Father forgive me of my selfishness, vain ambition, any foolish thing my heart holds.

As 2010 came to a close I feel the Lord stirred up this verse in my spirit...

Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do NOT hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. Do NOT be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do NOT fear disgrace; you will NOT be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the *reproach of your widowhood (*the dissatisfaction/disappointment of the things that died to you). Isaiah 54:2-4

2010 was filled with extreme emotion...I don't know if I have ever been more thankful for a year to be over with before in my life. 2011 is filled with anticipation. I know my faith will be tested, strengthen, and blessed. I have a mustard seed of excitement of what is to come. Praying it grows stronger as the days go by. Rooted by the still quiet waters of His presence and surrounded by the quiet whisper of His voice.

I read a new blog this morning and she put it perfectly…
I can’t stop change from coming. I cannot. But I can choose to remember that He holds my ever-changing life in His never-changing hand. –Alece Ronzino

Praying in each new day that I will always remember YOU my loving Father hold me, your daughter's, ever changing life in the hand that has NOT changed since before there was time.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Leaning

I believe God spoke something to me today. I find it interesting how I when I misread something so many times God chooses to reveal things to me through it.

What was written was "We will always maintain a posture of learning"

What I read was "Always maintain a posture of leaning"

I thought LEANING what does that mean? Why would you maintain a posture of LEANING?? So quickly I felt the Holy Spirit say "Lean back in to God presence and lean forward in faith in to the vision I am creating in you and where I am taking you."

When I thought about the word leaning I was reminded of my dad.

Leaning back into my dad's chest as we sat and watch tv...feeling his warmth.
Leaning back and forth as I danced on my dad's feet around the kitchen...feeling his joy that I was his daughter.
Leaning forward as I jumped off the side of the pool...feeling confident that he was going to catch me.

This year I pray I MAINTAIN a posture of leaning Father into YOU in faith that YOU are my shepherd...willing to do what ever it takes to love me, save me, protect me, grow me.


Leaning...what an amazing position of faith...