Sunday, November 4, 2012

TRUST Me

Trust me seems a WHOLE lot easier when I say it to the kids then when God says it to me.

Every time I pray about the kids and the situation the answer I get is simply

"Trust Me."

 Ashamed I admit I've asked "Are you SURE you have their & my best interest in mind?"

Once again I am reminded to be still and know that HE is God and I am not. I must trust Him.  He so gently reminds me over and over,

"Kara I am the one who put you here, put the children where I did & I am the one who will carry you through. Do not try to take this and manipulate it to what you desire this to be. My plans are so much greater than you plan. Surrender these children & your desires to me daily."

Obedience is so difficult. Complete surrender is crazy difficult.

Please pray that we have wisdom on what to say and when to say it. To the professionals, the family, the children. Pray that we continue to surrender and obey with every step each day. Pray that God strengthens us daily. Pray that  we have indescribable peace and reassurance that only comes from Him.

The kids start overnight visits with their mom again this week. She doesn't always seem to tell the truth but does a very good job of telling people what they like to hear. I wrestle with the need to constantly point our that she is lying about certain things or just waiting and hoping the right people notice.

Let the emotional roller coaster of these three begin...again...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Fulfiller of dreams

Thank you Father for being the fulfilled of dreams. This past weekend was one I don't think I will ever forget.

The kids didn't believe us when we told them that we were going to Florida. They screamed when they finally did. It was on of those weekends I have dreamed of since I was a kid.

I was able to see all of my family and the kids were so good. Everyone just ate them up. We went to Busch Gardens on Friday. Saturday & Sunday we went to Disney.

My husband was amazing. Nothing like my father at theme parks. He loves watching them enjoy every moment. He enjoyed every moment. He rode dumbo & Pirates of the Caribbean as well as a few other rides. He was just so loving and accepting of the SUPER long days.

We had a great time every moment of every day. The only problem is now I really can not attempt to imagine a moment with out my three sleeping beauties!

So thankful that my FATHER is a promise keeper & a fulfilled of dreams!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

In my wildest dreams

Not in my wildest dreams did I ever believe that I am would be getting ready to do what I am getting ready to do this week.

Our 3 sleeping beauties don't know but we are going to visit my family! Not only are we going to visit them we are going to DISNEY!!!!

No matter what happens in the upcoming months we get to make amazing memories this week!!

So thankful Father for your continued blessings!!!!!!! I love that we get to share this with them!


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Long Road

The next six month will be the longest and the hardest six months ever. In the state of Ohio children placed in foster care CAN NOT be in state coustsy any longer than 2 years. That's it...Not two years and one day not two years in 5 mins. TWO YEARS.

We have been blesses with 1 year.6 months.22 days.21hours with 3 AMAZING BEAUTIFUL FUN LOVING children.

I can't imgine my life without them in it. I am soon going to have to. Their mother just told me that after 1 year 6 months 22 days and 21hours she has finally found a place. That was the only thing hold them back from going home. They have changed my life. I have experienced things through them that I never thought I would ever experience.

In 11 days we go Florida to see my family & go to Disney. Just another dream that God is fullfiling. I don't know how I process the sadness that will come with loosing them. But I am thankful for so many memories.

The next 6 months as we see if they will be able to stay with their mother will be the longest 6 months of my life. It's like the Dr. has given my family 6 months to live.

I have said these things to your, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Summer

A lot has happened since April. The kids are still with us...for know...I have to remind myself daily that God ALREADY knows the end & apparently he believes I'm strong enough what ever the decision is.

I'm thankful for every moment! Blessed in countless ways.

We went on our second vacation to the beach this summer!! The most exciting part is we are heading to Tampa go add my brother wife & kids! Our kid don't know. :) This is something I've dreamed of for Y.E.A.R.S!

Can't wait!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Monday Morning

This morning when I was waking the boys up for school L (3 yrs old) said, "mommy I want to be yellow like a duck & have orange feet!"

Well I guess that's a great way to start out a Monday...knowing what you want. :)

Monday, April 30, 2012

Tonight...

As I kiss them goodnight & tuck them in for the last before I crawl in to bed I wonder why God choose me to walk this road. I wonder how I am going to make it through the next few months. I never believed I would ever have the opportunity to love this much. With such extreme love will come extreme pain during loss.

The only thing that I can hold on to is my Father who gave me this love will be there to mourn my loss.

I pray that at 3, 5, 9 their lives have been changed in a positive way...I known mine sure has.

Tonight was a good night...and I go to sleep knowing they are safe & sound knowing how much I love them but God loves them more!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

1st Night Away

Shawn & I ran a away last night.

The kids are on their 1st over night visit @ their parent house.

I am thankful we decided to go away. It would have been weird to be home and not have them there. I guess that is a weird that I have to/need to get use to. They are scheduled for reunification the beginning of June. Part of me is soooo happy for them. The other part of me is sad for so many reasons.

Praying for God's grace peace & wisdom to infiltrate my every once of my soul. I do know the only way I'll/we'll make it through this is with God carrying me through.

I don't have the strength...but HE does.

As for today...I'm enjoying the stillness of the morning~sound of the rain of the roof top of our one room cabin in the woods~ and the taste of good coffee.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hope? Maybe

One of my biggest struggles lately is figuring out how to fully surrender and hold on to hope. It seems like an oxymoron...I want to hope but I want to surrender. Not sure if I can hold on to hope and live in complete surrender to what God is asking of me.

Is it possible to hope while surrendering? Praying for a clear answer Father.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Little Things

Sometimes it's just the little things that remind me God's there and he cares. I'm in Tulsa for a conference and I've woken up a few times my stomach bothering me and super thirsty. The kind of thirst that only a soda will do. I dig out all my change, $20, a credit card. I walk to the other end of the hall in the middle of the night to get a soda.

Vending Machines in a hotel are expensive...$1.50 for a 20 oz bottle. I have $1.25 in quarters and a couple of dimes. It took my quarters but wouldn't take my dimes. I tried a few and it spit them out at the bottom change return thing.

When I reached down to pick up the 3rd dime there in the change return was another quarter.

Thanks Dad for blessing me.

He's even in the small stuff!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

March 1st...

It's almost been a year since our world turned upside with 3 beautiful blue eyed beauties. March 17th to be exact.


March 1st offically kicks off a month long celebration at our house!! Between our family & friends we have over 8 birthdays this month!! We'll even have special guest visiting Ohio this month! Grampy comes this weekend for an entire week & then Aunt Kim & Grandma C come the last week of the month for the Spring Break & our 3X birthday party!!


I'm not sure who's more excited...the kids or me :)








Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Favorites

As I prepare for their homecoming beginning of the summer I try to savor each moment. Truly one of my favorite things is bedtime. Not because I'm exhausted but because I get to say their prayers, talk about their days, and my "favoritest" part...

Singing Jesus Loves Me. I love hearing them sing it as they yawn and begin to drift off to sleep.

I am reminded daily that He loves me with all His heart and I get to share that joy with three young hearts who I have seen not only grow physically but spiritually. I love it when G prays for his younger brother & sister or his sick friend.

Thank you Father for fulfilling my hearts desire even if it is only for just a few months. My heart is filled with such love for them and I am so quickly reminded that is only a fraction of how much YOU love ME! Thank you again for loving me!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Perfect Timing

Got an email today from Sarah's Laughter. I don't usually read these emails much anymore but today I did. I'm glad I did.

In my office, it is always 5:30. Never 2:15. Never 8:04. It is always 5:30.

There is a broken clock in my office. People have such different reactions to it! Some look at it with a quizzical look on their faces. Others offer to fix it for us, but I always politely decline. You see, my clock is broken on purpose. I took a perfectly good, functioning clock, broke it and hung it on my wall. What a huge blessing!

You see, that broken clock is a reminder of the perfection of God’s timing. At first glance, it appears that the broken clock is worthless. The hands never move. It looks like nothing good is happening. But glance down at the bottom of the clock. The pendulum is still moving. Swinging left. Swinging right. The pendulum never stops.

In the dark days of waiting through your struggle with infertility, it feels like God’s plan for your family has ground to a halt. No explanations from the medical community. No prophetic utterances promising that long-sought after child. Even in the silence of infertility, listen to the ticking of a broken clock. God, like that pendulum, is still working and moving. When it seems like nothing is happening, the pendulum of God’s timing is still swinging.

Buy a clock, break it and proudly hang it on your wall. Let it serve as a reminder of the perfection of God’s timing.
Be still, and know that I am God; Psalm 46:10

I may not know what's on the other side of our current situation but I know who does. My Daddy, My Protector, My Lord, My Savior. I'm thankful for that.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Visits

It's the beginning of the end...

Next week the kids start unsupervised visits at home with their parents. They are suppose to be with us until September but

Praying Mom & Dad will be able to handle the pressures of 3 kids and the kids will be strong enough to handle two different worlds. Praying I can handle this as well!

It will be a difficult transition but nessasarry to go to the next step.

Promises

That old 80's song "You make me promises promises" has been rolling through my head over and over again the past few days.

This week has been an emotionally taxing week for me. Some really good friends of ours just had a beautiful baby girl this week. This past Friday we celebrated another friends handsome little boys 1st birthday. While we were there another set of our friends with 3 little boys announced they were pregnant & it's a strong possibility that it might be twins. Not to mention it looks as though our three will be going home in September. Oh by the way did I tell you that as we were pulling out of the drive way for our valentines date my truck broke?

Can you see why that songs been in my head?

As I was driving back to work from seeing my friend & her new baby at the hospital I realized the swerving faith that continues to rise up in my heart as I asked...

"God is there ever going to come a time when we get to have a baby? Didn't you promise me that? Are we ever going to have children we don't have to give back? What have I done wrong? What am I DOING wrong? I try so hard to get it all right but I still haven't measured up? God PLEASE just give me a sign a word something for me to hold on to."

Yesterday morning after I dropped off all the kids I headed back up to the hospital to sit with my friend because her husband had to go to a meeting. There is one Christian radio station that I love to listen to. I turned it on in the middle of a conversation they were having with some guy about really wanting something and having to wait. I listened & then turned it off and made some phone calls but THEY just don't understand MY pain.

When I turned it back on Brooke the female talk show host was reading an email someone had written about sharing their waiting experience. She talked about getting married young having several miscarriages and thinking how she had given up on her dream of ever having children. She finally got pregnant carried the baby to term and when she had the baby boy she had been praying for she named him Zachariah, she stated in the email that's means THE LORD REMEMBERS.

Yep that is when I pretty much busted into to tears...asking for forgiveness and praying for unswerving hope as in Hebrews 10:23 and to remove all my disbelief. Honestly, as I approach 38 it is getting harder and harder to believe that God gave me that dream to hold on to hope instead of satan giving it to me to torture me everyday. What it comes down to for me is that everyday sometimes every moment it a choice...either I choose to believe God has my best interest at heart or I choose to walk away from everything that I have believed since I was a little girl.

Next Month I have to teach at our women's conference on Dreams. The section I have to teach on is our method vs our means...basically our words and our actions meeting to fulfill our dreams. Example, You can't say I have to be the best mom to my kids and never be there for them. I felt like God told me the beginning of the year that it's time to start dreaming again...im trying...

Thank you Father for loving me in spite of my doubt. I thank you for the 3 wonderful beautiful children you have placed for a time in our care. I thank you for providing a way. I thank you that YOU know the ending and when there is a war You always win if we allow you to fight instead of fighting the battles alone. Forgiveme for my sins. Father guard my heart my mind and my ears. Give me the courage to do what you have called me to do. I thank you Father for loving me first, knowing me best, and loving me MOST!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

February...the month of LOVE

As I sit here today it's Sunday afternoon & I'm home with have a clean house. Thanks to my husband skipping church. Trust me I am NOT for skipping just because you don't "feel" like going and NO I'm not saying that my dirty house was/is more important than God. But I am thankful that God has given me a husband who while he isn't perfect he IS will to continually willing change not for me but to make himself a better person. He doesn't always clean like I do...we differ on how to clean...there for we usually do not clean together. :)

Needless to say when I walked in this afternoon I felt LOVED. He knows how much a dirty house stresses me out. And while sometimes I have to get over it and focused on what is important...THE MOMENT... We have a caseworker visiting tomorrow. So the importance of a clean house rose to the top.

The 3 blue eyed beauties are still here with us. It's almost been a year now. Parents have an upcoming court date. They are at the present moment doing what they are suppose to...taking the classes & doing the jobs that they were asked to do by the courts. We have a pretty good relationship with the birth mom & her family as well as the birth dad. Our prayer is that if they are to go home with their mom & dad then they will allow God to change & heal their hearts fully & completely. If they are to stay with us we pray that the kids will not have any more trauma with going home & then coming back.

As much as we love them we have to be willing to let them go if that is what God chooses. Something that brings me peace is that God already knows the outcome. No matter what NO ONE can EVER take away what God has placed in their hearts. NO ONE will ever be able to take away the memories they've had living here or that they've given us.

As for February...and just a few things that I love...
My God My FATHER
My Husband
3 Beautiful Blue Eyed Beauties sleeping in my house
SNOW :)
My Puppies
My Family
My Friends
My Neighbors
ABSOLUTELY LOVE kissing those babies good night each night. After a year still my favorite part of the day!
My Church

What do you LOVE about February?



Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Radically...Irrevocably...Persistently

We can only desire what you can imagine.

Our church needs to be RIPPED wide open...

RIP

My desire isn’t just to RIP (rest in peace)
My desire is for God to RIP this church WIDE open…
I want our children to RIP their generation…

Radically sold out to Christ
Irrevocably devoted to each other.
Persistently committed to reaching the lost.

We have a choice to Rest In Peace or to Allow God to RIP us wide open and create us who he wants us to be.

We were asked to do just TWO things...Love the Lord with ALL our heart mind body & soul...and...to love our neighbor as ourselves. That's all we have to focus on...

Father, help me be more of an equipper and less of a doer. Give me the strength to trust in you fully. Help me to build others rather than seeing them as a tool to build my own ministry. Father in this "fatherless" world my hearts desire Lord is to be RADICALLY sold out to YOU! To be irrevocably devoted to each other and to be PERSISTENTLY committed to reaching those who don't know you. Father, help me be a cheerleader to my team and to be bold the way Jesus was when I ask people to serve. Remind me to laugh and to rest. Help me Father devote the resources that you provide me to develop others. Father, help me forgive myself for my shortcomings this past year. In 2012 I will remember the 1 thing that is important…YOU!