*This really long post is for me...So I remember and do not forget how BIG how WIDE how GREAT my GOD my FATHER is when HIS promises to me come to pass.
I LOVE old hymns...It reminds me of my grandmother & my mom...my heritage of which I'm so thankful of.
I have been struggling with the fact that I am still at 35 years old not a mom. It is not just from fertility issues, I believe that I have been healed of that, so says my last Drs visit, but also from other issues that are out of my control.
Controlling person??? Definitely NOT how I saw myself...more so if I needed to take control over something I could but I don't HAVE to have control over everything. I know God is in control of my life. Honestly I don't want His seat. Until it came to the whole baby/mom/being fruitful and increasing in number thing…
A few months ago someone said to me that broke my heart, “Maybe you should let go of the dream of being a mom and focus on what else God has in store for you.”
Those words have been floating around in my heart and in my head ever since.
I tried letting go like this woman suggested. I tried holding on tighter in spite of what she said. I’ve wept…I’ve prayed…And finally said...
Leading up to this weekend I'd been praying again asking/begging/pleading God to either release me, complete release, from my desire to be a mom, to have a baby or reassure me of His promises. And that they are truly HIS promises not my imagination or selfish desires.
Sunday morning I walked in to my office between services and there was this lady in there that has been praying for Shawn & I & our children. She kind of makes me uncomfortable sometimes.
#1 because she didn't like me when I first started working at the church she said some really mean & hurtful things to me. But I handled it differently then she had ever been treated before and she ended up liking me and hearing my hearts desire for the ministry here.
#2 because she asks me often if I'm pregnant and I feel bad that she keeps praying and believing but I am still not pregnant.
Well on Sunday she asked me if there was any news on the baby front I said no. She said, with tears in her eyes, “Kara I believe it in my spirit I know you will be pregnant soon. God has shown me time and time again your pregnant belly and your child. Yes you will adopt but you will have a baby.”
To which I responded trying to disguised uncomfortableness “I am believing for a child I know HE will provide in His perfect time.” Which I truly am honestly didn't even think of it as conformation until that afternoon.
I was in such firefighter mode I didn't even think about it again until my IM conversation with one of my friends that after noon. I am so thankful that she is sensitive to His Spirit.
The conversation started with “Would you like to know why God is called Jehovah Rophe?”
To which I responded, “Why?”
She proceeded to tell me of a story of a lady, her pastors wife, who has been married for a while unable to have children so they adopted. She has been on birth control for the past 2 years went off of it in July and just found out last week that she is pregnant.
Jehovah Rophe~ GOD who HEALS
She said “It made me think of you Kara...I want you to know, that God is still in the miracle business and don't give up. I don't know if you needed to hear that right now, but I think He wants you to know that He still holds your dreams in His hands, and that you aren't forgotten. I just think you need to hold onto what you know He's spoken to you and He'll take care of the rest.”
That afternoon as I am driving back to church I was thinking of the two instance of confirmation that day and my humanness say... “God you usually confirm things with me 3 different ways...that’s only two so maybe you don't really mean it. Maybe it's just my selfish desires.”
Yes I know what you’re thinking...I do have a very hard head. It amazes me how easily we allow doubt to creep in.
At staff meeting Tuesday where we were talking about this speaker we had on Sunday. He was one of those speakers that you’re listening along and then realize you don't have a pen and paper & you need one desperately because everything he's saying is about ready to make you jump out of your skin.
I am listening to a cd of Sundays message (this past Sunday's the day of 2 confirmations not 3…or so I thought) and he is talking about God's promises about being the type of person that is following what God is asking you to do because you trust God as your leader. He's putting on a personal level and then extending it to the church then to the body of Christ. Basically confirming EVERYTHING that God had been dealing with me on #1 for me personally #2 to say to the 85 volunteers in our children's ministry at our training meeting & #3 to the church body. (Which I am totally terrified about)
Then as if He hasn't been tugging on my spirit about plea of confirmation or release and what I said about the fact that I only saw two confirmations on Sunday. The speaker ends this message with this last statement...
"Elijah is God's promise.”
“God's word is never late.”
“His promises, what God has promised YOU, is real and ready and is true TODAY.”
Thank you Father for confirmation. I ask You to remove the doubt place in my heart and my mind by well meaning people who don’t realize when they say things that hurt. I ask that You remove any offensive spirit that I might have because of the hurt. Thank You for Your willingness to confirm things in 3 ways for no other reason than You love me. Thank You for the promises of what it says in Psalm 77:14 that YOU are the God who performs miracles that You display your power among the people. I thank You that Your promises are real that You are still the same God that is/was/continue to be in Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Thank You for what You do in me. ~Amen
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Who Are You?
I felt I had to repost this...posting just the link for you to go read wasn't enough...you may not go. It's important that you read each and every line. The promises are far better than the lies that we tell ourselves. We are God's child...not the worlds.
You are not your past
You are not your failures
You are not your parents
You are not your sister
You are not your regrets
You are not your sin
You are not your weight
You are not your divorce
You are not your unemployment
You are not the choices someone else made for you
You are not your brokenness
You are not your bitterness
You are not your abuse
You are not your loneliness
You are not your marital status
You are not your tax bracket
You are not your crisis
This is who YOU are:
You are loved
You are forgiven
You are redeemed
You are destined
You are set apart
You are a new creation
You are valued
You are gifted
You are chosen
You are prized
You are reconciled
You are called
You are noticed
You are pursued
You are a child of The King
You are a co-heir with Christ
You are a royal priesthood
You are adored, cherished and treasured by the God of this universe.
When you choose to stop living out who you are not and you start to live in who you are…
It changes everything.
I found this today on RefineUs blog. This is an amazing husband and wife pastor team that have been through a lot and are willing to allow God to work in them as well as through them.
So thankful for their encouraging words.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Just Because
I love it when my husband answers my calls...EVEN when he's at work
EVEN when he's with someone
EVEN when he's busy
Just beacuse it's me.
I love it when he does the little things that remind me that next to God I am #1
Crazy Love
I have been reading a book by Francis Chan called Crazy Love. I continues to amaze me...I am enjoying this book but I have to be honest it's kind of hard for me to get through.
Crazy, Relentless, ALL-POWERFUL Love.
It's hard to take in sometimes. Have you ever felt love like that? Many times, for me, it's about have I allowed God to love me like that or am I attempting to protect myself for the one who loves me more than anyone ever could? I have been brought to this passage of scripture this week John 13:1-17.
It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.
The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." "No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”
Monday, September 13, 2010
10 Things I learned at the Beach
I love the beach! Never knew what I had when I lived in Tampa for 21 years or so close to Ocean City for 5. Then we moved to NC which was only 3 hours away from the beach, still with in a short drive. Ohio...if I think about it long enough I honestly think I could have a panic attack because of the lack of an ocean. Don't get me wrong...there are many thinks I like about Ohio. We have 4 REAL LIVE seasons. Grant it winter seems to be the longest.This year Shawn and I went on our vacation with our friends The Johnson's! We had a BLAST!!! On Monday before we left Hurricane Earl was scheduled to hit North Topsail Beach, NC on Thursday night into Friday morning. That was the day we were heading down there. We started praying! I have been praying for this vacation for over a year there was no way any hurricane was going to steal our joy!
We left on schedule and so Earl. He ended up hitting north of where we were. THANK YOU JESUS!! It was sunny from the day we arrived to the day we left! B-E-A-utiful!!! While we were there enjoying God's wonderful creation I really felt like He was trying to show me somethings a little differently than He normally does.
You see I usually go on vacation with an agenda of what I want to accomplish work wise...you know to get ahead, get inspired, set goals, blah blah blah. Ticks my husband off sometimes. He goes and turns off his phone...I haven't gotten there yet. Although I did leave it in the condo most days when I set out at the beach! BABY STEPS!!! :)
So the whole reason for this post...The 10 things I learned with my butt in the sand!
10. Butterflies are even more beautiful at the beach. They were everywhere this week! I loved it!
9. Sometimes waves are going to knock you down and it's ok to laugh at the fact they did.
8. When you ask God to show you something incredible take time to look away from where your walking to enjoy how magnificent He truly is!
7. Pebbles all over the beach are just as cool as sea shells.
6. 3 year olds bring an amazing view of the beach...you gotta love the "scuobberdivers"
5. Seafood is waaaaaayyyy better at the beach than OHIO!!!!
4. Resting is an important part of any healthy person...even God...what did He do again on the 7th day?? It's ok to do nothing even if you are at the beach.
3. Laughter is essential! Memories are to be cherished. Friends are forever awe-inspiring!
2. My husband loves me more than I know but God loves me more.
1. Go places expecting God to roll out the red carpet for you. Your His son/daughter...He loves to love on you. He WANTS to.
Things were different this year for vacation...I liked it...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
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