Monday, April 30, 2012

Tonight...

As I kiss them goodnight & tuck them in for the last before I crawl in to bed I wonder why God choose me to walk this road. I wonder how I am going to make it through the next few months. I never believed I would ever have the opportunity to love this much. With such extreme love will come extreme pain during loss.

The only thing that I can hold on to is my Father who gave me this love will be there to mourn my loss.

I pray that at 3, 5, 9 their lives have been changed in a positive way...I known mine sure has.

Tonight was a good night...and I go to sleep knowing they are safe & sound knowing how much I love them but God loves them more!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

1st Night Away

Shawn & I ran a away last night.

The kids are on their 1st over night visit @ their parent house.

I am thankful we decided to go away. It would have been weird to be home and not have them there. I guess that is a weird that I have to/need to get use to. They are scheduled for reunification the beginning of June. Part of me is soooo happy for them. The other part of me is sad for so many reasons.

Praying for God's grace peace & wisdom to infiltrate my every once of my soul. I do know the only way I'll/we'll make it through this is with God carrying me through.

I don't have the strength...but HE does.

As for today...I'm enjoying the stillness of the morning~sound of the rain of the roof top of our one room cabin in the woods~ and the taste of good coffee.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hope? Maybe

One of my biggest struggles lately is figuring out how to fully surrender and hold on to hope. It seems like an oxymoron...I want to hope but I want to surrender. Not sure if I can hold on to hope and live in complete surrender to what God is asking of me.

Is it possible to hope while surrendering? Praying for a clear answer Father.