Saturday, December 13, 2008

Letting go & Moving on

I think I do a pretty good job of fulfilling Romans 12:15 most of the time. No ones perfect...please hear me...I'm not saying that I am...but my husband and I have been married for 11 1/2 years and off of birth control for 10 and we have had no baby as of yet. Still I have given baby showers, attended baby showers, took food over to new moms, held crying moms that their babies went to be with Jesus earlier than they ever thought. I have rejoiced with those who rejoice and mourned with those who mourn. I don't say all this to get a pat on the back or a way to go you rock. I say this because something was said...that mind you has been said before by a certain family that REALLY hurt deep last night.

The young mom who stayed at our house this year sang at a Christian coffee house last night and a whole group of us went to go hear her sing. Her mom & sister were there and also a friend that I have never met before. I've just heard a lot about this friend. As we are all sitting around the table waiting for her to sing I said to her, "When are you going to go out so I can watch the kids?" she said "I don't know". Her friend said, "You can't watch the kids. You'll keep them." The table got silent for a brief second. Then my friend Heather said, "Going out? Your going with us!" Its always good to have friends like Heather! She wanted to leg sweep the girl but I told her no. :) I have to say...I LOVE HEATHER!

It amazed me how just a few small words could crush my heart. This girl doesn't know me. Why would she say that to me? She doesn't know anything that I have gone through. She had to have heard that from somewhere. This family that I put my life on hold for 9 month to help thinks the only reason I'm have a relationship with them is to take the kids? The younger sister has said that before to me but she's 15. She just needed to be reassured of where our relationship stood.

God has chosen a mom for those two beautiful children...its not me...I'm ok with that! There is no one better suited to be their mom than HER! God doesn't make mistakes. Its NO secret that I love kids. And I love the parents that ALLOW me to love their kids. I know it is a privilege. But it still hurts to know that I may not be able to love, encourage, & minister to those children because someone in the family fears that I might take them away. That has never been a thought...

It amazes me how satan tries to use one comment to break a relationship, to damage a relationship. The balls in my court now. I have the chance to forgive, pray for them, ask God to remove any roots in my heart so they don't take hold, and to pray for the young friend that said it. I am moving on from this and stand firm on the promises that God has in store for me!

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