Yes, apparently I have changed my name without even knowing it. I am no longer Kara or Mary. I am Martha... Realizing this fact over the past few days has been difficult for me. And I'm not even sure when that happened...
Life is busy. Everyone's life can get busy at times. I mean between attempting to rebuilding a children's ministry of a church, paying bills, cleaning the house, running errands, spending time with my husband, trying to conceive, planning trips to the dr. between work, keeping up with what "day" I'm on, scheduling another round of fertility treatments...wow the list could go on and on. It is so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness that I end up forgetting sometimes what is most important.
In the past when I would read or study the story about Martha & Mary (Luke 10:38-42) I KNEW I was a Mary. I just wanted to be close to Jesus no matter the cost. I wanted to sit at His feet. My ALL time P&W song is The more I seek you. I really do want to sit at His feet drink from the cup in His hand lean back aginst Him and feel His heart beat. (I am totally drawn in to songs where you can paint a word picture. I don't like just singing the words I want to feel and see the words.) That desire still lives inside but for one reason or another I have put it on the back burner and chosen to take of the roll of Martha. Too busy to sit and wait on God. That hurts me...and if it hurts me how much more does it hurt Him.
I have been praying and trying to figure out how I got to this point. What happened that caused this change in me? Is it because I work full time in the ministry now. Ironic yes I know. You'd think working at a church is the best most rewarding place to work. And it is at times. But just like every other job it has its ups and downs. Is it the quest for a baby that pushed me in to my Martha state? Is it desire to have everything neat and organized in my life? (it's so not there...I did say desire.)
God has shown me some good news...it doesn't matter when it happened or how it happened...He'll continue to show me when it's time. But as for now there is alway room at Jesus' feet for me...to praise Him, worship Him, cry with Him, lay my hopes and dreams down, sit with Him, and soak in Him. This weekend He showed that's where my hiding place is with Him. Because when I'm there it just me and Him and that's exactally what He wants...and so do I.
**mute side bar music when you play this song**