It's Monday morning and I am still overwhelmed by this past week. It was Easter week...Holy week...Company coming in week...PC Hearing week.
Thinking back to Easter growing up it was a big deal...Still is in my mind. Being raised Lutheran we went to church every Wednesday during Lent then Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Sunrise service on Easter out to breakfast and then BACK to church for the 11AM service. Being the youngest of four kids & going to a church that did not have "Kids Classes" I did not enjoy sitting still that long but I did enjoy the family time that week created for me. I always loved when we were all together.
One of my favorite services of all year was the Good Friday service. At the end of the sermon when the Pastor was done teaching on what happened that night so many years ago the lights would get dimmer and dimmer until it was completely dark. After reading from the Gospels he would end with the room completely dark and say "It IS finished!" Slam the big giant Bible was reading from closed. It was crazy silent. And everyone would leave in the stillness and the darkness. No one spoke. We just all got in our cars and left.
This year was a year I hope I never forget. This year right in the middle of the week Wednesday was our permanent custody hearing. I barely slept Monday or Tuesday night between a sick baby and praying I didn't get much rest. Birth-mom contacted the paternal grandparents a few weeks back. She asked if she could see the 2 yr old and said she was going to do whatever it took to get the baby back. We've been fasting and praying for little man's safety. We have been praying for God's will to be done & to protect little man from any harm. She even had the nerve to show up at the paternal grandparents house the day before court. Saying many things that weren't true about what she had done and was going to do through the state.
My heart hurts for her yet I'm angry at her. I see this child that someone must have mistreated and never gave a chance to. So now she is caught in a vicious cycle...but angry for being an adult and NOT stopping it. Maybe no one has ever told her she could or about her Savior
Wednesday @ 10 was our date. PC hearing means that all rights of parents that are involved can be terminated. The judge could rule that day, he could request an actual trial or he could take weeks to review the case and then make a decision. We were there by 9:40 AM and set with the GAL and talked small talk until it was time for him to go back. He said not to be surprised he believed he had seem the birth mom there but he had only met her once & wasn't for sure.
At 10:02 they called us back to the court room. Went back out and called any other parties pertaining to *the baby's name* to come forward.
No one came. No grandmother...No Birth-mother...No Birth-father...No one...
They came back in closed the door and started.
Sitting next to the GAL's boss I was trying to sit still & act professional . When they closed the door she said softly. "Oh well that's not good." I answered back softly thinking maybe she was talking to me..."what's not good? Is everything ok?" She didn't respond.
About 15 mins in the GAL's boss leans over to me and said "Take a breath. You have already won."
Right then and there I was overwhelmed with emotion. Seriously almost became a sobbing mess right there. Shawn grabbed my hand. I was reminded where I was and it probably wouldn't be a good thing for me to react that way in where I was.
After the Caseworker left the stand they talk to the other attorney & the GAL. Then the judge said I will make my decision.
We found out this Friday on Good Friday that It Is Finished...
The parental right have been severed. He was declared abandoned. Permanent Custody has been granted to the state for our little man.
We can now move forward with declaring him our son.
I am thankful that while he was "declared" he will never have know the feeling of being abandoned.
Overwhelmed by so many things this past week. I have been overwhelmed with excitement, tears, love, joy, sadness (for the birth family).
This being Easter weekend I just kept thinking how overwhelmed I was by God's love for me...for Shawn...for our little man. That while we were yet sinners HE died for me...went to hell for me...and sits at my Father's right waiting for me.
I heard this song this morning...it just seems to fit.