So much of the fight to stay sane in my quest for a child is learning to waiting. I have to wait for my next cycle to begin. I have wait for the blood results. Waiting to be the birth mom and not just being the birth friend. Almost everyone around me despises that dreaded two week wait. It seems like all I do sometimes is just sit around and wait. Why is it that even God tells me to wait on His promises? Waiting for something that I KNOW is going to happen is hard...then at times doubt creeps in...as much as I hate to admit it does.
Because to be honest Philippians 4:8 can be a moment by moment struggle for me some days. Especially when it comes to my fertility situation. I want so desperately to believe that God has promised us this child but there are days when I don't believe that I am worthy enough of such a blessing. But what God has shown me is that I alone am not worth but because of WHO I am in Christ, the King of Kings daughter, I am worth of whatever blessings He bestows on me. Not because of who I am but because WHO lives in me. I am blessed enough to have the best Dad in the whole world!
Websters defines WAIT as; to stay in place in expectation of. In KJV Isaiah 40:31 says"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength..." What I found really cool was the NIV says "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength."
I am so thankful for my Father to renew my strength and hope as I struggle.
Something that God has shown me the past few weeks is that when I grow weary from waiting He will continue to renew my strength, my hope, my perseverance. Thank you Lord! While knowing this in my head and in my head can be two separate things at times. So I must take every negative, damaging thought captive and place them under the obedience of my Father.
God’s promises are great and I need to continue to learn to truly to wait for Him. He promises me new strength...daily. He promises endurance to run the race set before me...daily. I am thankful for a Father who loves me.