I haven't posted since my appointment because I have been trying to process it. I can't really say that I am "done" processing it because I feel like I have no answers.
I have a feeling this may be a love hate relationship with my Dr. He's good but so he's busy... At least at this appointment. So that means he has no time to hear my stories of how I felt nor does he probably even really care. After I sat in the little room for 45 mins he walks in glances at my belly button and says how are you feeling and I say fine. He says you look great lets go to my office.
We go into his office and he closes the door and proceeds to show me my pictures. First was the endometriosis...which he said wasn't too bad but the scare tissue all over was "severe". What is the scare tissue from? He says its from the endometriosis. SO then he goes on to the next picture which is my uterine wall. He said that it is shedding and trying to regrow all at the same time because my hormones are out of whack. I asked him, "What can I take to help that? Metphormine?" No, that just for blood sugar he said... That usually happens when people have really heavy periods...Well I don't have heavy painful periods...They may last 3-5 days and its not too heavy and mine aren't painful...He says then I don't know why its doing that then...He closes my chart and seemed like everything was over and I ask well what about my left tube? He said I'm not really sure if its open...I said What? you said that you opened my tube during that procedure. He said well we really don't know until we do an HSG...So we'll schedule one of those and then go from there. I said...what about clomid or something...He said i'm not giving you anything until I see if your tube is open. He walked me out to the secretaries desk and told her to set me up and appointment for an HSG.
Needless to say I left there feel pissed at myself because I didn't stand up and say...I KNOW that you are busy and I KNOW that there are a lot of people waiting but having a baby is important to me and I don't like feeling like you pushing me out the door. There are so many more questions that I wanted to ask but didn't have time to even think of them much less ask them...
I went home that night and told Shawn what happened at the appointment. He asked, "Isn't that the one where they shoot the dye through your tubes?" Why yes my smart husband that's been paying attention, "that it is what it is." He said that said. "Why would he want to do that when you he said he put dye through the tubes day I had the surgery. He came out and told me that they shot dye through both sides and they were open."
Why would the Dr come and tell Shawn that and then ask me to have an HSG done. So I called the Dr on Friday and told the nurse what happened and she said I'll call you back. So she called me back and told me yes you still need to have a HSG done because the one you had done was a LONG time ago. I said no my husband said that the dr came out and told him that he put dye through my tubes while I was in surgery. Why would I need to have an HSG done if he JUST basically done? She said "oh I didn't understand that the first time. Honestly I don't have your file over here at this location but I will call you back when I have it." When the Dr called the night of the surgery asked him about my left tube? He said "Its open your good! Everything went GREAT" I know I was on drugs but I wasn't out of it.
So basically I'm confused...I know that God has it under control but He has also wants us to make wise choices, but all of this trying to have a baby that you feel like God has promised you can be a little confusing and frustrating sometimes. But after all is said and done I still stand firm on...
Numbers 23:19 “The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground-in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
Deuteronomy 28:11 God is NOT a God that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not fulfill?"